Monday, April 30, 2012

People You'll Meet On Every Neighborhood E-Mail List

Yup. I know them all.


THE LOOSE CANNON

This person is liable at any moment to pepper the email chain with profanity, personal attacks, or links to NSFW YouTube videos wholly unrelated to anything going on in the neighborhood. If your group has a hands-on moderator, you might not know these people exist.

THE ARMCHAIR URBAN PLANNER

This person is always ready to debate the pending arrival of the new mixed-use Ikea/condo with talking points about “economic development,” “transit corridors” and “walkable urbanism.”

THE LONGTIME RESIDENT

No matter how long you’ve lived in your neighborhood, this person has lived there longer, and will remind you of that fact every chance he or she gets. Favorite phrases include, “You don’t know the half of it,” “Back in my day,” and, “Perhaps it’s time for you to brush up on your local history.”

THE LOCAL-ISH BUSINESS OWNER WHO ISN'T

This guy neither lives in the immediate neighborhood nor runs a business that is actually located there. But every time he gets in a new shipment of stationery, he wants to keep people posted.

THE NEIGHBORHOOD PATROL NUT

He won’t ever stop preaching to the whole group about how everyone needs to lock their car doors at night. Also, he sometimes sends horribly offensive live safety alerts like, “There is a black man walking down Washington Boulevard right now.”

THE "REPLY ALL" GUY

If Ethel is looking for someone who knows a good antique sewing machine repairman, this individual will respond with the answer… to everyone.


(Continued at The Atlantic Cities)

3 comments:

  1. I've had experience with just about all of these but very rarely deal with them anymore. I guess my strongly worded replies finally got the point across. Except for "reply all" guy (gal). That one still shows up pretty regularly.

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  2. I'm not on any neighborhood e-mail list. After seeing this post, I'm thinking that is probably a good thing.

    You putting the "Mycock" found porn under the portrait of the guy holding his...um...chicken gave me a good laugh. HA! :D

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  3. Oh yes- I live in a homogenized world of the 'burbs. Sometimes I read mine just for the LOLZ. Just yesterday a woman posted about her license plate being stolen off her car "Right in front of her house!" "They will steal right from under you and crime is everywhere!" Then she posted two hours later that she found it- it fell off at the car wash. fml.

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