From The Onion.
Sometimes I Feel Like I’m The Only One Who Gives A Shit About Rich, Lustrous Hair
By Marcus Russo
President and CEO
Today I saw a woman whose hair had incredible potential. With a little effort and the help of quality hair-care products, she could have had glorious, bountiful locks—the kind any man, woman, or child would kill for. I do not exaggerate when I say she had a head of hair that was a gift from God.
But it was all a tragic waste, because atop her head sat a nest of horrors: flyaways, frizz, dry ends. Pure natural beauty ruined by pure neglect.
At times like this, I often stop and ask myself: Am I the only person left in the world who still gives a shit about rich, lustrous hair?
Even at the headquarters of Pantene, a 65-year-old institution dedicated to shampooing and conditioning, I see the erosion of this basic aesthetic value. Many of my colleagues arrive at work each day with limp, lifeless hair.
This at a company dedicated to creating pro-vitamin formulas that moisturize hair and, within a week, strengthen it by up to 99 percent!
Yet I realize the parade of sad, oily heads through my workplace is merely symptomatic of a larger trend—part of a culture in which people no longer give a flying fuck about undoing the damage caused by everyday brushing, blow-drying, and styling.
What kind of world is this? What happened to shimmer? What happened to shine?
The hair I see these days belies any true commitment to natural glow and gloss. Do I have to ascend Mount Everest and shout, “People, let’s come together and make our hair salon-quality again!” Because if that will fix this epidemic—and that’s exactly what this is, an epidemic—I’ll do it. I’ll book a flight to the Himalayas right now.