Friday, March 30, 2012

Top 10 Nasty-Ass Candies Of The Day

From Spinderfella and Candy Addict.

White Chocolate Maggots

White chocolate is nasty by itself; shape it like a maggot and you've got a winner. They look more like grubs than maggots--not that it really matters.

Hose Nose

Strap the plastic nose dispenser to your face and catch the oozing candy slime with your tongue, like you used to do when you were three.

Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans

These aren't as nasty as they sound. They are much, much worse.

Ear Wax Candy

Yes, ear wax candy. It’s a plastic ear filled with a fruity jelly-like candy that resembles ear wax. It even comes with a plastic “swab” to use to dig out the candy. Yum!

Candy Scabs

They come on an adhesive bandage replica that sticks to skin and encloses a candy ‘scab’ for licking so you can keep some candy on you (hidden) for licking any time.

See the rest of them here, but before you go, I'd like to add some to the list. These aren't quite as bad as candy snot and maggots, but they're close.

Circus Peanuts

Who eats these? Nobody, that's who. I wish they were real circus peanuts. I'd love to watch a trainer give these to his elephants and see what happens. I'd take video of it, too, because TruTV pays good money for that kind of carnage.

Zero bar

"Made with caramel, peanut and almond nougat covered with delicious white fudge." What the fuck is a nougat? Looks like a week-old dog turd and probably tastes like one, too.

Necco wafers

Hard, dusty, flavor-challenged discs of pointlessness.

Dubble Bubble

Worst. Bubble. Gum. Ever. Hard as a rock. Tastes like shit. Flavor lasts about 15 seconds if you're lucky. Responsible for almost as much dental work as Sugar Daddy suckers.

Peeps

A mixture of marshmallow, gelatin and wax shaped into tiny chickens. *gag* I can't even look at these things.

Boston Baked Beans

I used to go to a movie theater that had these as a candy selection. Once I asked a guy behind the counter if anyone ever bought them. He said, and I quote verbatim, "We haven't sold those for years. Nobody ever bought them. I'm not sure why the box is still in there. It might be stuck to the glass."

17 comments:

  1. Necco wafers suffice as quarters in the automatic lane for the toll road. Not that I'd know...

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    Replies
    1. Can they be used to pay your tickets you get because they get your plate number on the camera and ticket you for non-payment?

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  2. I hate the circus peanuts. Does anyone remember the Easter egg candy with the hard sugary coating? I do love orange slices.

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    Replies
    1. If you mean these http://www.candywarehouse.com/assets/item/related/BrachsHidingEggs-icon.jpg they have them at Meijer, Walgreens and a few other places.

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  3. Good to know, Nagmagnet. I know Chuck E. Cheese tokens don't work. :)

    I agree with the entire list. There's way too much good candy out there to waste time with this crap. And for the record, white chocolate is NOT chocolate.

    I can't bear the thought of eating Peeps. *shudder*

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  4. I eat Boston Baked Beans. I used to eat Circus Peanuts too, but then I grew up and got more discerning about where my sugar high was coming from.

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  5. Cadbury. Easter. Cream. Eggs.

    Just the thought of them makes my jaw clench and my throat close up. I don't know how anyone can choke one of those back. They're the texture of snot. Cloyingly sweet snot.

    Prairie Girl

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  6. I agree with the whole list except maybe the Zero bar. That doesn't sound too bad to me. I don't think I've ever had one, but I'd try it.

    Gummy anything or dusty/chalky stuff like Neccos or Pez are the worst. My kids love the Peeps. I never could stand those, even when I was a kid myself. Mom put them in our Easter basket every year, and I always threw mine away or gave them to my brother.

    Circus peanuts I'm not a fan of, but I can't really say anything bad about them because they are made by a company in my town. The company is owned by good people and they employ MANY here, so I'm hard put to say anything negative about one of their products.

    Mostly, I think any candy that isn't some form of chocolate is just a waste of good sugar. :)

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  7. What the fuck IS nougat? Question for the ages...

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  8. Sorry, but I love Peeps....I know I'm in the minority but I don't care!!! My dad loves circus peanuts...thanks for reminding me, I'll take him some next time I visit him at the home!! The rest are just wrong!!!

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  9. Hard, dusty, flavor-challenged discs of pointlessness.

    if this series of words included a verb, it would be the greatest sentence ever written in the English language. as it stands, it is the greatest phrase EVER.

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  10. FFS, who the hell thinks making maggot-shaped candy (or any of the rest of that disgusting shit) is a Good Idea?

    And, yeah, I'm with you all the way on your additions - Necco wafers being one I'm most familiar with - chalk with sugar and coloring added is what those vile things are. Your description of them was so spot-on it should be made into a slogan. I've never had a Zero bar, but with a name like that, it clearly doesn't have much going for it.

    Oh, and I have to add that I'm so NOT into babies that it's not even funny, but the caption for the MPOTD is awesome - love it!

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  11. I can honestly say, as a youngster, I've eaten a few of these; ONE time only. They deserve to be on the list.
    Zero
    BBB
    Dubble Bubble (the worst)
    Circus Peanuts (gag)
    Peeps (blech)
    Now for one that is not on the list: Candy Corn - the dog won't even eat this crap.
    Agree with most of the comments that there are way too many quality sweet treats for these abominations to ever pass one's lips.

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  12. Nagmagnet - Good to know. I need to try that. Or maybe I'll try them on the Coke machine.

    Prairie Girl - EXACTLY! That's some nasty sh*t. Runny candy is foul.

    Thanks, Margie and Sonya. I try.

    Daisy, I agree about the chocolate. My mom used to like Zero bars and I had a bite once or twice. They were strange to me.

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  13. I agree with all the nasty candies you listed, I hated all of them, and one to add to the list are those little Mary Jane peanut butter things. I used to want to cry when I found them in my trick or treat bag. Yuck!

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  14. Necco wafers got me through quitting smoking cold turkey. I have since sworn off them, but the flavors are so old-timey that I have a real soft spot for them. Speaking of soft - I have 2 packs of Peeps hardening as we speak. The hubby calls it Peep-jerky, but my dad and I have been eating "stale" Peeps for decades. They snap if you age them long enough. ... I also like Circus Peanuts, but I'm not allowed to bring them in the house... But I am with Melissa - Mary Janes are a cruel trick played by dentists. "I pulled out my fillings for this?!?!"

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