Monday, March 26, 2012

News Of The Day: Study Finds That Newborn Infants Can Tell If Their Parents Are Losers

From The Onion.

Study Finds Newborn Infants Can Tell If Parents Are Losers

March 21, 2012

CHICAGO—A study published this week in the journal Pediatrics found that, within seconds of their birth, babies have the ability to sense whether their parents are losers.

"From the moment they open their eyes, newborns can tell if their mother had no other options and was forced to settle for their father, or if their father is a sad sack who has no friends and gets drunk on a single glass of chardonnay," said researcher Dr. Stuart Lindstrom, explaining that despite their blurry vision, infants can still identify basic loser body types, and have specialized olfactory receptors allowing them to detect the odor of failure.

"In fact, we've determined that as early as the second trimester, a fetus picks up on the income and social standing of its mother via the umbilical cord."

The study also concluded that the screams of newborns stem from the sudden realization they will be stuck with their loser parents for at least 18 years.


  1. It's true. The odor of failure is one that can't be disguised or washed away. hahaha! :-D

  2. I definitely smelled the odor of failure this weekend at Chuck E. Cheese.. or was that Big League Chew??

  3. Wow - mugshot of the day - all I can say is there are some really, really niche tastes out there.

  4. That is obviously a trait that I have lost as I have grown into adulthood.

  5. haha!! GREAT, DANIELLE! Wonderful comment!! But please, don't pass along those genes, ok? Stop the madness!



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