Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Classic Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Christmas Is Tight This Year

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Christmas is Tight This Year


Date: 2008-12-19, 6:24PM PST


My dear friends,

Somewhat embarrassing to admit, but Christmas is tight this year.

I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below.

How to make bedroom slippers:

* You need four maxi pads to make a pair.
* Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
* The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
* Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.

Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most asthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are:

* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself....

Awaiting your response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each one of you. So please hurry I need to start them as soon as possible.



Another Concert I Won't Be Attending (Of The Day)




It's not that I wouldn't LOVE to hear a live 27-minute version of "Nights In White Satin," it's just that my ascot drawer really needs organizing and I've already put it off for years.

Nah, I keed, I keed. They're aight. They've been around for 100 years so you gotta give them props for that. I like a few of their songs. This isn't one of them, but I'm posting it because the singer's hair is awesome and I love the way that other dude plays the tambourine.


George Carlin's Words And Expressions For Sex

George Carlin
1937-2008

Euphemisms for fornication, compiled by comedian George Carlin. If you write letters to Penthouse, here's a gold mine for ya. Got any to add?

afternoon delight
ball
baloney ride
bananas and cream
bang
beef injection
belly ride
belt
blanket drill
blow off the loose corns
board
boff
boink
bone
bore
breakfast of champions
bump fur
bump uglies
bury your wick
bury the bone
bush patrol
buzz the brillo cane
change your luck
chuck a tread
cock up
dance the mattress jig
daub of the brush
dick
dunk
diddle
dig your stinger in the honey
dip your stick
dip your wick
dirty work at the crossroads
do
do a dive in the dark
do a slide up the board
dog
do it
do the dirty deed
do the horizontal bop
do the nasty
drill for oil
feather-bed jig
feed the dummy
fiddle
fire some rounds from the hamcannon
firk
fit end to end
fix her plumbing
flesh session
flop
flop in the hay
four-legged frolic
fuck



get a crumpet
get a little
get a piece
get a snipper
get some nookie
get a wet one
get into her pants
get it on
get jack in the orchard
get laid
get lucky
get
your ashes hauled
get
your leather stretched
get
your noodle wet
get some poontang
get
your oil changed
get some
get some action
get some ass
get some stuff
get some tail
get some tweeze
get your bean waxed
get your pole varnished
give her a stab
go all the way
go like a belt-fed motor
go to bed with
go to it
go to town
go vaulting
grease the tube
grease the wheel
grind
grind
your tool
hanky-panky
have a bit of giblet pie
have a bit of summer cabbage (huh?)
have a blow through
have sex with
hide the ferret
hide the salami
hit on the tail
hock
hop on
horizontal bop
horizontal hula
horizontal refreshment
hose
hot roll with cream
hump
impale
introduce charlie
invade
irish whist
jazz
jink
job
join paunches
jounce
joy ride
jug
juke
jump
jump
your bones



knock
knock off a piece
know

lay
lay some pipe
lay the hip
make feet for children's shoes
make it
make love
make babies
make the beast with two backs
make whoopie
mate
mattress dance
mess around
mingle limbs
mix your peanut butter
mount
mugg
nail
nib
nub
nut
park your yacht in the hair harbor
peel
your best end
peg
pestle
pile-drive
pin
plant
your oats
play at all fours
play hide the bone
plow the field
pluck
plug
pocket the red
poke
pole work
pop
pork
post a letter
pound
pump
put a finger in the dyke
put some mayo in the tuna
put the boots to
put the tool in the shed
quimstick
ram
ride
rites of venus
roast the broomstick
roll
roll in the hay
rock
rod
roger
romp
root
roust
rub bacon
rub up
rumble
rumple
rut



saw off a chunk
score
screw
scutz around
service
shack up
shaft
shag
shake the sheets
shoot between wind and water
shoot
your wad
short arm practice
shove
shtup
sink the sausage
sink the soldier
slam
slip her a length
slip into
split
spoil
squat on the hog
squat jumps in the cucumber patch
squeeze and a squirt
stab
stable
your naggie
strop
your beak
strum
stuff
swing
tail-work
take a turn in the stubble
take a turn on shooter's hill
tear off a piece
the disappearing cane trick
the matrimonial polka
thread the needle
throw a hump
throw a leg over
thump
tie the true lover's knot
tip the long one
tool in the woods
trim the buff
trip up
the Rhine tumble
tumple
turn up
twiddle
varnish one's cane
visit the boom-boom room
vitamin F
wap
wham
what mother did (I'd rather not think about that)
wind the clock
work out
work the hairy oracle
yard
yentz

Got any to add?


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