I dunno, people, seems like a sign to me.
Minister: "If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold yo--."
House falls from sky, kills everyone.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
(Banned items list and copy from Mental Floss)
Retail giant Wal-Mart is the world’s largest public company, and whether or not you’re a fan of shopping at the House that Sam Walton Built, you’ve got to admit that the store stocks just about everything. Just about. Here are 11 things you won't find in a Wal-Mart store, because they have been banned there.
Barbie’s Pregnant Pal
In 2002 Wal-Mart cleared its shelves of Barbie’s pregnant friend, Midge. The doll, which featured a removable stomach complete with deliverable baby, was part of Mattel’s “Happy Family” set that also included her husband and son. However, customers complained about seeing pregnancy enter into Barbie’s universe, and Wal-Mart pulled all of the Happy Family sets from its stores.
That’s right: panties that say, “Who needs credit cards…” on the front and “When you have Santa” on the rear. The undergarments started showing up in Wal-Mart’s juniors departments in December 2007 and quickly started an Internet firestorm over the perceived message of using Kris Kringle as a sugar daddy. While the same joke would be fairly harmless on, say, a t-shirt, many women felt that its placement on underwear added a sinister sexual undertone aimed at adolescent girls. In response to the public outcry, Wal-Mart pulled the offending underthings from its shelves.
A Shirt That Read “Someday a Woman Will Be President”
In 1995 a Miami-area Wal-Mart pulled this shirt from its racks after consumer complaints. The shirt, which featured the character Margaret from Dennis the Menace, ran afoul of “the company’s family values,” so it went back to the stock rooms. Eventually more reasonable, non-Stone-Age heads prevailed, and the shirt made it back onto the shelves after three months in limbo.
In November 2005, German courts ruled that Wal-Mart could not ban all workplace romance at its German stores. The retailer had unsuccessfully tried to force all employees to sign off on a 28-page code of ethics that included prohibitions on “lustful glances and ambiguous jokes” and “sexually meaningful communication of any type.”
The Wal-Mart in the starlet’s hometown supposedly banned her for life following a teenage shoplifting bust. A 2008 report on contactmusic.com alleged that Fox got the heave-ho after being caught swiping a $7 tube of lip gloss during a rebellious shoplifting spree, which earned her the lifetime ban.
When the comedy Superbad hit store shelves in 2007, it came with a little extra: a replica of the fake Hawaii driver’s license used by the self-dubbed “McLovin’.” Most movie fans would simply see this freebie as a little reminder of one of the movie’s funniest scenes, but Hawaiian authorities simply felt it was a fake ID. Honolulu mayor Mufi Hannemann requested that Wal-Mart pull the DVD from store shelves across the state, and the retailer quickly complied.
(See the rest at Mental Floss)
And now, 18 things WalMart hasn't banned, but should. From yours truly.
1. Bare feet
3. People in motorized carts because they ate too much fried chicken and Mississippi Mud, not because they are disabled.
4. More than seven children per customer
5. Employees using the PA who don't have a basic grasp of the English language and rules of pronunciation
7. Visible ass or crack (male or female)
8. Women with mustaches larger than 1/2"
9. Overalls without a shirt underneath
10. Bralessness (for legal reasons, to avoid being sued if a customer runs over her boob with the shopping cart)
11. Bare midriffs (male or female)
12. Pants, shorts or sweats with writing on the buttocks that is incongruous with the buttocks underneath that writing (e.g. "Juicy," "Lucky," "MILF," "Can't Touch This.")
13. Hair that can't easily fit through the entry doors, both vertically and horizontally
14. Creepy greeters over 90 who want to touch you
15. Any article of clothing that reads, "Got _____ ?" (e.g. Jesus, beer, #3, condoms, a clue, weed, mayonnaise)
16. Tim Conway DVDs
17. Shirts that suggest or otherwise cause you to visualize sexual relations with the wearer for even a nanosecond.
18. Shit-filled diapers left in the parking lot.