Friday, September 30, 2011

A Brief Summary Of The Worst Ideas In History

From Maxim.com.



65 MILLION B.C.
“Fuck sweaters, man. We’re dinosaurs; ain’t a little ice gonna mess with us, bro.”

10,000 B.C.
“Here, Adam, try a bite of this shiny round fruit! It’s delicious!”

1184 B.C.
“Hector! Paris! Check out this sweet wooden horse!”

1020 B.C.
“Some kid named David with a slingshot? I don’t need a helmet. It’ll just mess up my hair.”

1540
“Henry VIII might not have got along with his first four wives, but I think I can change him.”

1626
“Check it out, Prances Like Elk, these stupid palefaces gave us all these dynamite trinkets, and all we have to do is give them Manhattan!”


1812
“Who’s up for a land war in Asia?
Moi!”

1865
“Mary Todd, what do you say we see what’s playing down at Ford’sTheatre?”

1876
“If we all run straight at the Injuns, this day will go down in history as Custer’s Ass-Kicking Stand!”

1888
“Ooh, right there, Alois Hitler. Leave the condom off.”

1912
“Don't clutter the deck with too many lifeboats. We’re unsinkable, baby!”


1919
“The Yankees will pay how much for him? Sell!”

1919
“Here’s the cure for all of America’s problems: Prohibition.”

1937
“You know what would beat the hell out of taking the train? Zeppelins.”

1941
“C’mon, Emperor, let’s bomb Pearl Harbor. What’s neutral America going to do about it?”

1962
“The Beatles? Sorry, we here at Decca Records know that guitar music is on the way out.”


1971
“I hate taking notes. Let’s just use a tape recorder.”

1973
“Hey, Yoko, what say we get a place in Manhattan?”

1979
“Woody, can you baby-sit Soon-Yi tonight?”

1980
“Indiana Jones? Tom, you have a contract for Magnum P.I. And that, my friend, is your ticket to the stars!”

1984
ABC execs to Bill Cosby: “Viewers won’t watch an unrealistic portrayal of blacks as wealthy, well-educated professionals.”



1988
“Show ’em you’re tough–put this helmet on, Mr. Dukakis.”

1989
“Well, Mr. Coppola, if we can’t get Winona Ryder, maybe your daughter Sofia could play the Corleone girl.”

1990
“Can we book Roseanne to sing the national anthem?”

1992
“Let’s make a car that gets four miles per gallon. Gas is cheap!”

1995
“God, I am so horny. Get me a fat chick. Fat chicks never talk.”

1998
“All I have to do is flash my boobs for a free T-shirt? I’m sold! This will never come back to haunt me!”


2001
“Football + wrestling = gold mine!”

2002
“Low-cut jeans for everyone!”

2003
“Let’s cast Affleck and J.Lo together and name the movie something no one can pronounce, like Gigli. We’ll be printing money, people!”

2003
“And then, just to really wow ’em, I’ll stand in front of a giant mission accomplished banner.”

2004
“So listen, I’ve got this great idea for the halftime show at the Super Bowl…”


2006
“I know what will take my post-Seinfeld career into the stratosphere—stand-up comedy!”

2007
“We plant a bunch of bomb-looking Adult Swim characters throughout Boston, but don’t tell the cops. People will tune in in droves!”

2008
“Before we hit the club, let me tuck this unregistered, loaded handgun into the waist of my loose-fitting sweatpants.”

2009
“You know what’d be so badass? Instead of reading the oath of office at the inauguration, I’ll memorize it!”

2009
“Mike, if you really want a good night’s sleep, try surgical-strength sedatives.”


2009
“Honey, inflate the giant silver balloon. I know how to land us a reality show.”

2009
“Tiger, have you thought about getting an unlimited texting plan?”

2010
“Let’s keep Conan on the air while we figure out what to do with The Tonight Show. He’s not going to make NBC look like idiots or anything."


Burning Question Of The Day: Hot Dog

From AskReddit. Click the pic to see the comments, which are as every bit as amusing as you might imagine.



12 Types Of People You Meet On Twitter

My favorites: bedtime guy and people who have conversations.

From Mr. Minimac and The Joy Of Tech.


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