Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Vid Of The Day: Planet Of The Apes Party Fun Time

It's got a good beat and you can dance to it.



Best YouTube comment: "This is fake. I've seen the movie and I don't remember any of this stuff."


7 Signs You've Given Up On Getting Laid

Not included: spending all your time on a blog and whining about how you never get laid. List from The Smoking Jacket.

THE PRESENCE OF VELCRO

Shoes that stay on with a couple strips of Velcro are highly recommended—for the elderly, the retarded or the shitfaced. If you’re none of those three, learn how to deal with a fucking pair of shoelaces. Or a shoehorn, at least. And if your wallet closes with a strip of Velcro, just end it already. What are you, 12? A grown man’s wallet has no hooks or loops, and it’s made of something called leather. Look into it.

A FUNKED-UP GRILL

If you have missing teeth, rotting teeth, fizzing teeth, teeth that are no longer teeth but disgusting black nubs, make it your number one priority to get to a dentist and have that shit taken care of. You don’t have to go to Elliott Yamin extremes, but the second you stop caring about the condition of your chiclets, you might as well forget about being within arm’s length of a naked woman ever again.

A CRAP RIDE

If you’re gonna commit to owning a vehicle, you must also commit all available monies (and available credit if necessary) to making sure it has a functioning muffler, is free of demolition-derby-size dents, has matching wheels and/or hubcaps, etc. And unless you’re on a stakeout, toss the fast food wrappers, coffee cups and used condoms into the proper receptacles pronto.

See more at The Smoking Jacket (link NSFW-ish).

News Of The Day: 'Snot Just Coffee

From The Smoking Gun.



Cops' Coffee Befouled At Dunkin' Donuts

JULY 29--About a week before Dunkin’ Donuts made it’s initial public offering, a New Hampshire employee of the donut and coffee chain made a very different--very foul--offering of another sort to two cops.

According to a Jaffrey Police Department affidavit, when Detective Joseph Hileman and Lieutenant Terry Choate stopped by Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee on June 19, server Christopher Hildreth grabbed cups and headed to the back of the store to fill their order.

This the cops found “odd as they had never seen him go to the back of the store to make coffee in the past.”

Watching Hildreth, 20, on a monitor in the front of the restaurant that allows a view to the back of the store, they observed him make their beverage and then allegedly “put nasal mucus into their coffees.” Believing there was snot in their drink, they contacted the manager who joined them in a viewing of the store’s surveillance tape which made it "even more obvious that he placed nasal mucous into their coffees.”

Hildreth, pictured in the above mug shot, was fired and then hit with two misdemeanor counts of attempted assault. He will be arraigned in district court on September 15 for his repulsive act.

Product Of The Day: P*ssy (NSFW-ish)



A natural energy drink. Insert (heh) your own jokes. More here.


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