Monday, July 18, 2011

Sh*t My Kids Ruined (Of The Day)

These are funny because they are just too real. Children are so precious -- bless their destructive little hearts. (I'll spare you the photos of what my kids ruined: my waist, my boobs, and my tenuous grasp on sanity.) There are many more examples here. -- RichGirlRed

Tyler knew there was candy in his mom's bathroom somewhere, and he would find it.

White laptop + kid + Sharpie = Xanax with a bourbon chaser

I was actually relieved to discover this was peanut butter.

The photo that started it all. One quart of black paint on an oriental rug.

Mr. Potato Head is SO toasted. Literally. In the gas fireplace.

Celebrities aren't exempt. John Legend's nephew ruined his Grammy.

Obviously, soft skin is a priority for this chap.

ZuZu Pets made terrible combs. Her hair got wound up in the wheels and had to be cut off.

Teenage driver, wrong pedal. Oops.

"I sent my 4 year old son out to get in the car while I was wrestling my newborn into his car seat all the while forgetting that I had locked all the doors. Who knew that he was so strong and so determined and so hell bent on destroying the newly PAID OFF car."

What have your kids ruined?

News Story Of The Day: Police Photograph Pistol-Packing Perp's Perforated Penis

Damn. It's been a bad month for schlongs.

From The Smoking Gun.

Police Pix Of Pistol-Packing Perp's Perforated Penis Permitted

Meet Otis Lockett, whose penis Milwaukee cops received judicial permission to peruse photographically.

Lockett, who was shot in the groin early Sunday, told police that he was fired upon “by an unidentified person behind him,” according to a Circuit Court filing, which notes that the 27-year-old was treated at Froedtert Hospital “for a single gunshot wound to his penis.”

Since hospital workers reported that the bullet’s trajectory was a “downward 45-degree angle,” cops suspected that Lockett accidentally shot himself. Which means that the convicted felon, who is on probation, was illegally in possession of a handgun.

So, as first reported by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Detective Gena Malanche Wednesday filed for a search warrant seeking permission to have medical personnel “safely remove any bandages in the area of Lockett’s groin to facilitate photography of the area.”

The resulting photos, Malanche added, would help investigators establish that Lockett was a felon in possession of a firearm.

The warrant was approved by Court Commissioner Barry Phillips, who authorized cops to “photograph the penis of Otis Lockett for analysis by the proper authorities.”

Lockett’s penis was, in fact, photographed Wednesday evening, though court records do not identify the name of the shutterbug.

A Milwaukee Police Department property inventory notes that a CD of “photos taken of Lockett’s injuries pursuant to warrant” had been logged.

Best comments from Smoking Gun readers:

Too bad the gun wasn't pointed up.

He'll get off by a hung jury.

Sometimes I think police photographer would be a cool job. And then there's this.

The evidence will never stand up in court.

What's the opposite of cocking your pistol?

Shot his pecker off and then he was a she I said hey babe take a walk on the wild side I said hey babe take a walk on the wild side and the.....

So, he shot his own naughty bits and now he is going to jail for it. Poor dude.

Where can we download the photos?

Vid Of The Day: Bank Robbery Supercut

A collection of moments. Hey, you know, Point Break, you got no complaints.

Internet Meme Of The Day: Business Cat

From Know Your Meme:

Business Cat is a LOLcat image macro series with an Advice Dog spinoff / Memegenerator starburst background. The overlaid text usually includes something a boss would do or request, but with a feline twist.

On January 1, 2011 Something Awful forum user Apple Jax posted a thread titled "PYF Cat Pictures" with a picture of her boyfriend’s cat Emilio. The owner has since created, and explains the cat’s history on the About The Cat page.


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