Wednesday, April 27, 2011

21 (x2) Things We Wish We'd Known At 21




Continuing a theme. I highlighted my favorites. From Wendy Atterberry at The Frisky.
  1. Champagne, vodka, gin and beer don’t mix well.
  2. If he never calls before 11 p.m., he’s not interested in a real relationship.
  3. “Comfort” and “security” aren’t big enough reasons to stay with someone.
  4. Guys don’t care about — or even notice — those 10 extra pounds.
  5. Love is rarely packaged the way you expect it to be.
  6. It’s generally much kinder to be direct with someone than pussy-foot around the truth in order to spare feelings.
  7. One of the biggest keys to making friendships last is being flexible in your expectations.
  8. If your happiness with someone is contingent on one little thing he or she needs to change, cut your losses and move on.
  9. If you don’t have the money to pay cash for it, don’t buy it.
  10. Box dye jobs look like box dye jobs (especially if you’re going for red).
  11. If his friends hate you, your days together are probably numbered.
  12. Relationships are not supposed to be hard in the beginning.
  13. If he says he doesn’t want a relationship, he really means it.
  14. Eyebrows really don’t grow back if they’re overly tweezed.
  15. Nude underwear is really the only acceptable color to wear under white pants.
  16. This moment — however good or bad it is — will be just a blip on the radar two years from now.
  17. If he seems obsessed with his ex, he probably is.
  18. Holding a grudge is bad for your back (and soul).
  19. When a vet says your cat has cancer, get a second opinion before you let him operate.
  20. A teaspoon is not the same thing as a tablespoon.
  21. Buying it one size too small won’t make you lose weight any faster.

Wendy thought of more a few months later:

  1. Therapy isn’t just for people who think they’re crazy.
  2. Most people experience bouts of loneliness, sadness, confusion and insecurity, too (no matter how strong or put-together they seem).
  3. If you hate your job, quit ... but not before you have another one lined up (or enough money to float you for many months).
  4. Judging other people’s decisions is not the best way to validate your own.
  5. Sleep, water, and sunscreen: cheaper than Botox and more effective than makeup.
  6. New Year’s Eve is pretty overrated.
  7. Mom and Dad don’t always know best.
  8. Toothpaste makes a wonderful overnight zit cream.
  9. If you can’t imagine kissing him, don’t bother going out with him “just to make sure there isn’t something there.”
  10. A good haircut is worth the expense.
  11. The price of owning a car is typically three to five times what you pay for it when you buy it.
  12. Two glasses of water after a night of drinking will save your ass the next morning.
  13. If it fits you perfectly and you love it, buy two. (But three if it’s on sale!)
  14. It’s never as good as the first time.
  15. Internet comments are rarely about the person being responded to.
  16. A smile can make you look at least five years younger.
  17. If you suddenly look five pounds heavier, you might need a new bra more than a new diet.
  18. Seriously, you don’t need a relationship to be happy.
  19. Washing your face before bed is a must.
  20. Sometimes, keeping the peace is so much better than being right.
  21. If it’s important, don’t say it in an email.

Retro TV Show Of The Day: Chuck Norris

Not only have I never seen this, I've never even heard of it. 'Cuz I would've totally watched this, even if Chuck never talked at all, which seems to be the case.



Best YouTube comment: "So who's the star of this show? Is it Chuck Norris?"

Things You Do In Your 20s That You'll Regret In Your 40s

Good advice from COED magazine. Great advice, actually.

What would you add to this list?

CHOOSING YOUR BEST FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND OVER HIM/HER

The fact that she was untouchable -- lest you ruin the entire friendship you and your best buddy had built up since you were six -- made her all the more desirable. But one day, they broke up. And soon you were spending your days holding hands and helping her pick out duvet covers. You and “that asshole” Mr. Ex stopped talking. Time goes by. Then some afternoon you come home to find her blowing a guy from the laundromat.

TATTOOS

These days, having a tattoo is practically like having a belly button – everybody’s got one. The only difference is, having a belly button isn’t going to make you want to punch yourself in the face for stupidity as soon as you’re out of your “Jack Daniels phase.” Some tattoos won’t be constantly regrettable reminders that you were once a jackass, that is, unless you got any on your face, neck, fingers or any other place where your boss will discover much you used to like naked Star Wars characters. Oh and ladies, just so you know, one day that lower back tattoo you all seem to have is going to be known as the “old lady tattoo.” Not so sexy, is it?

BAD CREDIT

This one applies to everyone, since we Americans all seem to be addicted to screwing ourselves over in the long-run by getting greedy and buying a bunch of stupid crap every 10 seconds when we can’t afford it. Yep, I’ve been there, too. And for now, while your biggest commitment in life is playing Left4Dead, it might seem OK. But when you have a family to support and sending your kids to college is suddenly slopped on your plate, you’re going to be eating a giant sh!t sandwich.

GETTING MARRIED TOO YOUNG

This rotten son-of-a-bitch trap can swallow even the most farsighted individuals. And I get it: You meet the woman of your dreams. You spend all your time with her; she gets all your jokes. And pretty soon, she’s on the pill and you’re living under the same roof, picking out paint for the dining room, secretly wondering what the hell happened to your manhood. Before you know it, you’re d*ck deep in webcam girl bills and pleated khakis. Next up, divorce, which charmingly includes going into debt to pay for the lawyers.

SMOKING

If you didn’t know smoking kills you by now, then you probably deserve whatever fate becomes you. The thing the never-smokers don’t understand is, smoking is good for the soul, damnit! (Unfortunately, you only think that because you’re addicted to nicotine.) But unless you’re some type of endlessly-going genetic anomaly, THIS SH!T WILL KILL YOU. Seriously, so unless you want your kids to think you’re a total asswipe, quit right now. If you don’t want to have kids, fine. But that’s not going to make the chemo any less sucky.

NOT TRAVELING (ENOUGH)

It’s hard to realize when you’re 21, but the time for whisking off to foreign lands with nothing to worry about besides which awesome thing to see next quickly evaporates. Before you know it, you’re still in the same place you were seven years before, but with too many responsibilities to get away with jetting off to Tonga for six months, just for the hell of it. So the best bet is to get as much traveling in while you’re single, childless and can still afford to not be working on building up your 401K (as if those mattered much these days, anyway).

(List continues at COED)

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