Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Rant: What's up with the parade of cocks?
Date: 2009-11-26, 11:02PM PST
It's almost a guarantee that if you click on anything with the "pic" icon that some gnarly, hairy, veiny cock is going to spring up in your face, like a fucked-up digitally obscene version of a jack-in-the-box. It scares the shit out of me every time.
"Pop goes the mother-fucking weasel!"
Has anyone ever had any success with this technique of posting your cock to the web? I'm still thinking it's probably a little too anonymous to score a date with just a snapshot of your dick.
Most women strike me as being concerned with a little more than that if they are going to meet you for sex--after all they probably don't want to walk in on the acne-ridden Grand Sorcerer of the local D&D tournament--even if he is hung like a bear.
Even more comical is a dude that's trying to pick up women posting a picture of him shooting spunk into another woman's mouth or onto her stomach. Most women wouldn't even consider dating a dude that would post a picture with his arm around another women, much less some dude only willing to show his anonymous cock shooting man-goo all over some other chick's tattooed ass.
You're a hopeless romantic, Romeo.
I also like the fact that the more bizarre and obscene the size of the schlong the more likely they are to include common household items to help the viewer determine the size and girth on comparative scale.
NEWSFLASH when you photograph your cock next to a can of Budweiser it forever brands Budweiser in my mind as something I never want to go near again. Please don't do this as you are now narrowing my purchasing patterns.
This could turn into a potential industry where advertisers pay the cocksmen of CL top dollar to photograph their ugly peckers adjacent to their competitor's products. I could see American Express picking up some cock photography and turning the balls red and orange to turn people away from MasterCard forever.
Or I could envision Verizon hiring five cocks (of varying sizes) and arranging them neatly to look like the AT&T wireless coverage bars all stacked up.
Or better yet Reebok can hire somebody with a twisted schween, photograph it on a stark, monochromatic background and emblazon it with a Nike logo and the "just fuck it" tagline.
A billion dollar industry built on the postings of this fucked up website (which I love so much--sorry Craig)
We could even go a step further. We could print off thousands of pages of these scary monster cocks and drop them into Fallujah. I'm sure the Iraqis will be cackling so hard that by the time the allied forces invade their city they'll just drop their weapons, point at the invading forces crotches, and burst their appendix with laughter. Operation Desert Kielbasa = success!
All I'm saying is that this needs to stop. This fucking site has more wood than an industrial arts class. Leave your pecker in your pants and off my fucking computer screen.
On a final note; as for the gratuitous "rate my boobs" postings...well, those are just fine. We need a lot more of that going on around here.
Thank you and goodnight
I don't know jack about dresses, but these scare me. Pics from The Fashion Police, UglyDress.com and more.
I bet they sold a lot of these after 9/11
It's on backwards, right?
Looks like a playing card going through the shredder
Needs more ruffles!
Looks like she lost a shit-slinging contest. Stupid girl -- the monkeys always win.
A little bright, huh? The bees will like it.
Prom dress: $135
Date for the night: $300 (extra for "full service")
The cougar special
Have you ever felt sorry for a piece of fabric?
They couldn't get anyone to model this one. Not surprising.
That's not a heart, it's a vag. WTF? At midnight, a baby pops out.
No, no, you don't look like a whore at all.
I've got Linda Evans on the line. She wants her dress back.
This next batch are entries in a duct-tape prom contest. See more here. Link from Brooke.
They're in the marching band. How do I know? I just do.
He drives a tractor to school.
For a good time, put your "key" in her "heart."