Creepy Vintage Valentines Of The Day

If you want to keep someone guessing as to what your true feelings are on Valentine's Day, these creepy vintage Valentine cards should do the trick. There are lots more where these came from at ChicagoNow. ~posted by Daisy

Happy Valentine's Day, my Precious, from Gollum.

Remember me? I'm the one who's been stalking you for weeks.

Nothing says, "I love you" quite like a basket full of dead rodents.

Happy Valentine's Day from Carmen Miranda and her monkey.

Don't let him slip you the tongue. (Clowns taste funny, you know.) --a special one for Lefty

Valentine's Day...Halloween...whatever.

Keep your duckydoodle away from me!

Loving you is a real grind.

Happy Valentine's Day, you naughty boy!

"wipe your pen upon my pants" (?!?)

Loving you gives me heartburn.

Love me or I'll shoot myself.

My heart served up on a platter (with some fava beans and a nice chianti?)

Happy Valentine's Day! Here have a wormy apple, and watch your step, or I'll boot your ass and find somebody I like better.

A smelly old sock--oh, so romantic!

Prickly Cactus: Your love makes me sick.

Elf: Here, you can puke into my hat.

News Of The Day: 20,000 Tons Of Pubic Hair Trimmed For Valentine's Day

From The Onion. Posted by Samsmama.

20,000 Tons Of Pubic Hair Trimmed In Preparation For Valentine's Day

WASHINGTON—Flushed with anticipation and ready to emerge from another long, cold winter, millions of Americans participated this week in the annual tradition of trimming their pubic regions for Valentine's Day.

A ritual as old as time itself, this year's pubis-shearing is expected to be among the largest in decades, with more than 20,000 tons of curly clippings predicted to fall by Feb. 14.

"My boyfriend and I are going to see As You Like It and then enjoy a nice candlelit three-course dinner," said Brooklyn resident Lydia Simonson, who along with many other hopeful lovers will soon excuse herself from her daily duties, retreat to a nearby bathroom, and carefully tend to the area around her genitalia.

"It's going to be so romantic!"

Indeed, tiny scissors and electric razors have already begun to fly off drugstore shelves, while all across the country legs are dangling precariously over open bathtub drains.

According to statistics from the National Depilatory Council, the week before Valentine's Day is by far the busiest time of the year for shaving, trimming, sculpting, playful pattern-making, waxing, and even manscaping.

"David and I are going to take a long walk around the park and then maybe on the way home we'll stop and grab some ice cream," said Julie Stibbons, a Dallas-area design consultant who recently made use of grooming shears, a pair of tweezers, and two magnifying mirrors to contribute her 0.4 ounces to the nation's total raw tonnage.

"I wonder if David will send me flowers at work like last year."Added Stibbons, whose smooth vaginal region will show no signs of stubble for days to come, "He's just so wonderful."

While this year promises to be prolific, experts said the country has gone through many personal grooming phases over the years.

In 1947, the first year records were kept, Americans only mowed about 1.25 tons off their "crotch lawns," while in the mid-1970s private trimmings were so rare that documentation was actually abandoned until 1981.

(Story continues at The Onion.)

Instructional Video Of The Day: Learning Japanese

In the tradition of "Bad Case Of Diarrhea," I give you "American Guys Learning English."

Awkward Valentine's Day Pics of the Day

In honor of Valentine's Day, here are some truly bizarre couple photos compliments of Awkward Family Photos and The Daily Beast.

--Bev

You don't want to know where he keeps his spurs.

That's not your Spidey Sense that's tingling.

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez sure make a nice couple.

Kris Kristofferson is lookin' good!

We'll always have our love... and this chair.

Nothing says, "I love you," like a new chainsaw.

Maybe she dropped something....

Say, "CHEEEEEEEESE!"

Trade ya!