I just pictured a mule kicking her in the gut. I'm not sure why. Wishful thinking, I guess.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
A friend of mine was just saying how he's tired of seeing Jack Black do the same ol' schtick in every movie, and he thinks Jack needs to hang it up. I'm not quite there with JB yet, but ask me again in six months.
Here's who Maxim thinks needs to hang it up, and I can't disagree with them on any of their picks. I could add some, too.
Says they: "Their complete disinterest in making movies couldn't be more obvious if they just filmed themselves flipping off the camera for two hours. If it's so painful—just quit already."
This guy used to be magnetic enough to steal scenes from a seven-foot Wookiee. For the Star Wars sequel, they had to go DEFCON (Colt) 45 and bring in Billy Dee Williams in order to present someone who could compete on the charisma meter. And Indiana Jones? The man. Plain and simple. But apparently, being cool is too much to handle once you hit 60, so Ford has devolved into a humorless lump of anti-personality. Hey, if you want to live out your golden years in Montanan seclusion, no one's stopping you, pal.
The perfect two-fer. Not only don't either of them give a shit about cultivating a respectable career anymore, but each cynical, Meet the Parents in 88 Minutes step they take further tarnishes anything cool they once did. Why don't you both righteously mercy-kill your careers now, and spare us your humiliating decent into Marlon Brando-ism?
Speaking of tarnishing… remember when Eddie Murphy was a dangerous loose cannon who tore through movies like a wise-cracking tornado? Yeah, we're talking about the same dude from Norbit. Murphy thinks that becoming "family friendly" has saved his career, when in fact it's killing him with each painful camera mug. Kids don't think he's funny and adults can only think of a time when he did stand-up films like Delirious that shocked us and, more importantly, cracked us up. Give it up, man. Oh, and fuck your couch.
The only non-actor on the list, but you understand. We haven't seen someone milk a dead cash cow for like this since Larry Birkhead. Not only has Lucas ruined the one thing that made him a legend to begin with, he constantly whines about putting Star Wars aside and going back to making small arthouse films. NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU, GEORGE. Do it. Walk away. But, honestly, we'd rather you just retire completely, so that you and your green-screen laziness can never infect another franchise again.
The Departed should have been a home run for Jack—playing a badass crime boss in a Scorsese film? But while Matt Damon and Leo DiCaprio rose to the occasion, Jack decided to play Frank Costello as, well, The Joker. Cackling, waving a rubber dick around—c'mon, Jack. We love you, but you've actually become a caricature of a cartoon character you once played. We want cool, intimidating Jack, we don't want grandpa-off-his-meds Jack.
(List continues at Maxim.)
Who would you add to this list (male or female)?