From The Borowitz Report.
October 19, 2011
Robertson: God Let Zoo Animals Escape to Bite Gay People
Televangelist Stirs Controversy With Latest Remarks
ZANESVILLE, OH – As dozens of escaped exotic animals terrorized the town of Zanesville, Ohio, the Rev. Pat Robertson raised eyebrows today by saying that “God allowed those wild animals to escape because he wanted them to find gay people and bite them.”
Rev. Robertson, who made his remark during a regular broadcast of his 700 Club television program, said that the Book of Revelation made explicit reference to “escaped lions, tigers and bears running around Ohio biting gay people” as a prelude to the Rapture.
The televangelist also contradicted local officials who were had warned Zanesville residents to remain indoors until the all the animals had been accounted for: “Really, those animals won’t bite you unless you’re gay.”