Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Why The Ohio Zoo Animals Really Escaped

From The Borowitz Report.

October 19, 2011

Robertson: God Let Zoo Animals Escape to Bite Gay People

Televangelist Stirs Controversy With Latest Remarks

ZANESVILLE, OH – As dozens of escaped exotic animals terrorized the town of Zanesville, Ohio, the Rev. Pat Robertson raised eyebrows today by saying that “God allowed those wild animals to escape because he wanted them to find gay people and bite them.”

Rev. Robertson, who made his remark during a regular broadcast of his 700 Club television program, said that the Book of Revelation made explicit reference to “escaped lions, tigers and bears running around Ohio biting gay people” as a prelude to the Rapture.

The televangelist also contradicted local officials who were had warned Zanesville residents to remain indoors until the all the animals had been accounted for: “Really, those animals won’t bite you unless you’re gay.”


  1. Haha! I like the photoshop work there. :-D

    Such a weird tragic story this whole thing was. As I understand it, the owner of the exotic animals turned them loose and then committed suicide. Most of the 56 animals were killed by authorities as a matter of public safety. So sad for the family of this obviously disturbed man and so sad for those animals who never should have been there in the first place.

    Leave it to Pat Robertson to turn this already bizarre story into something incredibly ludicrous to fit his homophobic agenda. His kind of crazy knows no bounds.

  2. He didn't, Daisy. Borowitz is a spoof like The Onion.

  3. Ha! I still say he's crazy. :)

  4. He did it, the crazy bastard finally did it!



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