Friday, September 16, 2011

TV's Beards Of Sadness Of The Day

Need to show that your TV character is in a rough patch? Give him a big ol' scraggly-ass beard.



The Bearded One: David Denham of The Office

Ditched The Razor: When you work in a warehouse, and your secretary girlfriend calls of the wedding to be with a salesman at a low-level paper company, you've basically mapped out your weight gain, beard and upcoming DUI right there.

Picked It Up Again: Roy kept the beard for the remainder of the time we saw him, but lost the unsightly weight in an effort to win back Jenna Fischer. In a word? FAIL.


The Bearded One: Justin Kirk of Weeds

Ditched The Razor: When Nancy (Mary-Louise Parker) fails to reciprocate his feelings, ditching him to go be with a Mexican gangster instead. After all, who hasn't been there?

Picked It Up Again: More or less parodying the entire concept, Andy keeps the beard until everyone humiliates him enough to finally shave.


The Bearded One: Matthew Fox of LOST

Ditched The Razor: Possibly the King of Sadness Beards, the good doc takes to pills and the bottle in the wake of "Jeremy Bentham's" death, realizing Locke was right to insist that the survivors return to the Island.

Picked It Up Again: Presumably to avoid the security inquiry of trying to make the returning flight with that beard. That, or the Island itself might have collapsed under the weight of his mammoth chin-Wookiee.


The Bearded One: Mr. Smithers of The Simpsons

Ditched The Razor: Fired for his objections to Mr. Burns plans to both steal candy from a baby, and steal sunlight from Earth (quite a difference in scale), Smithers takes to the bottle and worries in his drunken stupor and attempts to watch Comedy Central he might have accidentally shot his beloved boss.

Picked It Up Again: Smithers found himself shaven clean and vindicated by his news-interview reference of the very program he watched at the time of the shooting, and his uncovering of the real killer...a baby. Yep.

(See the rest at


  1. Andy Botwin's is kind of scary looking! (TWSS)

    The phrase "mammoth chin-Wookiee" made me laugh. :D

    I'm trying to imagine what the female equivalent to this would be. I guess it would be gaining weight and always wearing frumpy, dumpy-looking sweat pants or something.

  2. I'm always sort of confused by beards. Must be something from childhood. :)

    Daisy, I think you're right. Girls gain a few pounds, let their roots grow, and live in sweats or pajama pants. Also they watch a lot of "Grey's Anatomy." Or so I'm told. ;)



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