Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Pompeii Graffiti Of The Day

These all were supposedly discovered on the walls on Pompeii. Are they real? I dunno. Probably. The site where I found them documents the location of each and notes its inclusion in the
Corpus Inscriptionum Latinarum (Vol. 4). Pompeii was a cesspool of human depravity, which is why the gods chose to smote it with hot magma, so it is certainly reasonable to assume you would find things like this on its walls. On the other hand, these are translations, and it's possible that someone might have had a little fun with them.

The real question is this: who cares?


Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!

Restitutus says: “Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates.”

Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this.

I screwed the barmaid.

Lesbianus, you defecate and you write, ‘Hello, everyone!’.

Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.

Let water wash your feet clean and a slave wipe them dry; let a cloth cover the couch; take care of our linens.

Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog!

Whoever loves, let him flourish. Let him perish who knows not love. Let him perish twice over whoever forbids love.

Defecator, may everything turn out okay so that you can leave this place.

Celadus the Thracian gladiator is the delight of all the girls.

Cruel Lalagus, why do you not love me?

What a lot of tricks you use to deceive, innkeeper. You sell water but drink unmixed wine.

If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girl friend.

Atimetus got me pregnant.

I don’t want to sell my husband, not for all the gold in the world.

I screwed a lot of girls here.

Sollemnes, you screw well!

A small problem gets larger if you ignore it.

Phileros is a eunuch!

Gaius Valerius Venustus, soldier of the 1st praetorian cohort, in the century of Rufus, screwer of women

If anyone sits here, let him read this first of all: if anyone wants a screw, he should look for Attice; she costs 4 sestertii.

Pyrrhus to his colleague Chius: I grieve because I hear you have died; and so farewell.

Samius to Cornelius: go hang yourself!

Lucius Istacidius, I regard as a stranger anyone who doesn’t invite me to dinner.

The man I am having dinner with is a barbarian.

The one who buggers a fire burns his penis.

Epaphra is not good at ball games.

We have wet the bed, host. I confess we have done wrong. If you want to know why, there was no chamber pot.

Once you are dead, you are nothing.

Greetings to Primigenia of Nuceria. I would wish to become a signet ring for no more than an hour, so that I might give you kisses dispatched with your signature.

Two friends were here. While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named Epaphroditus. They threw him out and spent 105 and half sestertii most agreeably on whores.

Apelles Mus and his brother Dexter each pleasurably had sex with two girls twice.

Anyone who wants to defecate in this place is advised to move along. If you act contrary to this warning, you will have to pay a penalty. Slaves will be beaten on their behinds.

Apollinaris, the doctor of the emperor Titus, defecated well here.

O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.


  1. "Celadus the Thracian gladiator is the delight of all the girls."
    HA! This one and several others are kind of precursors to, "For a good time, call...." :-D

  2. "The man I am having dinner with is a barbarian." If I had a sestertii for every time I've said that.

    I'm hoping a lot of these were written on bathroom walls. All that defecating really should be taking place near the commodus.

  3. Anyone who wants to defecate in this place is advised to move along. If you act contrary to this warning, you will have to pay a penalty. Slaves will be beaten on their behinds.

    Sure hope they let the slaves wipe first, or else that could've gotten messy and awkward.

  4. Phileros is a eunuch!
    I saw that in a rest stop between here and Minneapolis. Must be true.

  5. @lefty

    It just goes to show that if you cross the wrong woman she'll write stuff like that about you too. Times change, people not so much.

    That, or Phileros really wasn't packing.

    Go on, you know you wanna look....



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