Monday, September 19, 2011

News Story Of The Day: The Hooker, The Opossum And The Phony Wang

You can't make this stuff up, folks. From The Smoking Gun.



Accused Hooker Busted By Phony Member Of Force

SEPTEMBER 15--Undercover vice squad officers routinely come into contact with skeptical prostitutes wary that their prospective john may actually be a police officer. So, before discussing business, a hooker will often ask the purported sex-seeker to first expose himself, since that is a no-no for a cop.

Anticipating this demand, a Florida detective “attempting to solicit prostitutes” last night hit the Sarasota streets with a “flaccid rubber replica of a penis” stuffed into his pants, according to a marvelous Manatee County Sheriff’s Office report.

At about 10 PM, the cop spotted a “white female wearing denim pants and a green spaghetti strap shirt” walking the street. The woman subsequently got into the detective’s car and told him to head north. When the detective asked how much it would cost for oral sex, the woman was noncommittal.

After driving out of the parking lot of a 7-Eleven, the woman, Smith reported, “asked me to expose my penis.” Smith--packing one real and one phony phallus--asked if he could first put on a condom.

“I then exposed a flaccid rubber replica of a penis and placed a condom on it,” wrote Smith. “She immediately leaned over and put it into her mouth.”

At this point, amazingly, Smith spotted an opossum crossing the road and slammed on the brakes, “causing the female to slide out of her seat and mildly into the dashboard.”

The report does not make clear whether she still had Smith’s sheathed fake penis in her mouth at the time.

The undercover then “drove to Easter Seals,” where he again asked for an oral sex quote. “Twenty for head,” the woman replied.

Smith gave a take down signal to fellow members of the Special Investigations Division Tactical Unit, who arrived and arrested Christina Vavra, 31, for prostitution.

3 comments:

  1. *snerk* I wonder if they charged her for not wearing a seat belt too. :-D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Easter Seals? All I ever get from them for $20 is a bunch of ugly stickers.

    "Flaccid rubber replica of a penis." I bet those are hot sellers at Adam and Eve. Not.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @ RGR

    Guess that'd be like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank, huh?

    I always figured women got those so they could practice the "It happens to every guy" speech with a straight face.

    ReplyDelete

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