Thursday, September 22, 2011

News Story Of The Day: Gordon Ramsay's Porn Dwarf Lookalike Eaten By Badgers

Well allrighty then. You can't make this stuff up.*

From Gawker via The Sun. Link from Mel, a.k.a. Mrs. Lefty.



Gordon Ramsay's Porn Dwarf Double Eaten By Badgers

U.K. tabloid The Sun recently introduced the world to Percy Foster, a 35-year-old dwarf porn star whose career was just beginning to catch fire. It was all because an observant production assistant on the set of Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It's Up Your Arse We Go had noticed how much Foster looked like celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay.

But just as Foster was set to join the rarefied ranks of celebrity lookalike dwarf porn stars, tragedy struck: The body of the 3' 6" performer has been discovered in a badger's den, partially eaten.

According to The Sun's follow-up account, Foster was found "deep in an underground chamber by Ministry of Agriculture experts ahead of a planned badger-gassing programme near Tregaron, west Wales."

They write that "expert CSI teams had to use fingertip technology to remove his body from the six-foot-deep burrow."

Officials have not yet ruled out suicide, and adult film producer Dexter Yamunkeh's comments — in which he intimates that Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf — certainly don't invalidate the possibility.

"Percy was a little guy with big problems," Yamunkey said. "He was doing well but he was under pressure, 24/7, like everyone in this goddamned business."

So tonight, we pour out a little (and I do mean little) gin in memory of poor Percy. We may never get to see his work in Midget MasterChef: Assbasters 7, but his memory will live on all the same.



* Actually, you can make this stuff up. The story is BS, of course.


7 comments:

  1. Um, don't they all kind of look a little like Gordon Ramsey?

    ReplyDelete
  2. "celebrity lookalike dwarf porn stars" Now there's a phrase I never would have guessed that I'd be reading today. hahahaha!

    It's like they wanted to see how much over-the-top wackiness could be stuffed into a single article. :-D

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Gordon Ramsay's Porn Dwarf Double Eaten By Badgers" is a sentence generated by a computer down at the tabloid. It is just too unlikely combination of words to be legit.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well now it looks like Cary is commenting on my comment. Frank can be so cruel!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I forgot to suggest this as a video of the day to go with it. :)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv8URilkuqg

    ReplyDelete

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