Thursday, September 8, 2011

News Of The Day: Police Seek Toilet Vandal

"You're a great neighbor... for me to poop on!"

From The Smoking Gun.

Police Seek Culprit In Holiday Weekend’s Best Vandalism Involving A Porcelain Toilet

September 6, 2011--The holiday weekend’s most amusing police report comes courtesy of the Spartanburg County Sheriff’s Office, whose officers Saturday morning responded to a vandalism call at the home of Brian Scott.

According to investigators, Scott reported that during the evening someone had driven through his front yard, leaving behind about 15 feet of tire tracks. When a deputy asked about any other damage, the 35-year-old Scott replied that the unknown motorist had also left him a “present.”

When Deputy M. Miller asked about the gift, Scott “pointed to what appeared to be a porcelain toilet,” according to the report. “Upon further inspection I confirmed that it was in fact a porcelain toilet and that the toilet contained what appeared to be human feces,” noted Miller.

Scott told Miller that the toilet was “brought onto his property and left in his driveway.” The South Carolina homeowner added that, “whoever brought the toilet onto his driveway had sat down on it and had a bowel movement.”

No arrests have been made in connection with the skid marks left on Scott’s lawn or the “present” deposited in his driveway.


  1. Oh well, you know what they say when it comes to presents. "It's the thought that counts." :-)

    Portrait of the day gal looks like she's wearing a panty liner on the outside of her...whatever that leather thing is that she's wearing. That's a rather odd fashion statement. It goes well with the headband and fingerless gloves, though.

  2. This reminds me of a stunt my late brother, Bill, pulled on his neighbor years ago. The neighbor was SO obnoxious and complained about EVERYTHING (although I've no doubt Bill wasn't an ideal neighbor.) Bill took an old toilet and converted it into a fountain that played "How Dry I Am" and spewed water every time the guy walked past it. (Bill put it smack on the property line.)

    As far as I know he never deposited a "present," although I wouldn't put it past him.

  3. Man, and to think of all the times I've had trouble going when I know there's people who can hear me. I can't imagine having to bust out a grumpy on someone's front lawn like that.

    Whoever did this is either a shameless shitter, or he really hates this dude.

    Yeah I know it sounds sexist to say "he", but lets be honest here, if this was a woman doing this she'd have just hurled a bag full of dook through the guy's living room window and been done with it.

    That or ground it into the carpet of his car.

    (And yes before anyone asks, I do know guys that's actually been done to.)

  4. I wasn't going to ask, Cam. I'm just grateful that you didn't link to a picture of it. :-D

  5. Aww, lookie here. Looks like somebody threw away a perfectly good toilet.



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