Thursday, September 22, 2011

Infomercial Ad Of The Day: Pos-T-Vac

This thing is so horrible, and it runs all the time on the cable channels we watch. I like the not-so-subtle sexual symbolism at :10, although I think the guy should be the one in the tire swing instead of her. The best (worst) part, though, are the testimonials. These guys all look like recent prison parolees who are being made to do this as some sort of community service. And their quotes? Truly profound:

(1:13) "You're either gonna be all that you can be or you're not gonna be all that you can be. This helps you be all that you can be."

Thanks for clearing that up, Kool-Toofs. Hey, 1980 just called--they want their glasses back.

(1:20) "Why take the best part of life out of your life when you can have life with Pos-T-Vac?"

How much you wanna bet this guy starts a lot of sentences with "If you have a brain in your head..." when he's dispensing advice/insulting someone?


12 comments:

  1. "Thanks for clearing that up, Kool-Toofs. Hey, 1980 just called--they want their glasses back." hahaha! I was so distracted by his teeth, that I didn't notice his glasses, so I had to replay it just to see the glasses! That was two times more than I needed to see that commercial! :D

    I hadn't seen it before now, though. Either I don't watch enough TV, or by some good fortune, that commercial doesn't play here.

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  2. Oh, and thanks to your header line today, I now have "The Night Chicago Died" going over and over in my head. Thanks so much for that! =\

    My sister had that song as a teenager (that one and the other one by Paper Lace, "Billy Don't be a Hero")and she played them both a LOT! Funny how those lyrics come back to haunt you. haha! :-D

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  3. I thought "results in less than 4 minutes" was NOT a good thing.

    And yes, "discreetly delivered to your door" is important. You don't want the mailman shouting across the street, "Hey, Fred! Your penis pump is here! Tell Effie to brace herself, you big stud!"

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  4. I didn't know Frank Irwin sold penis pumps on TV.

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  5. The doggie seemed to like pos-t-vac, too!

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  6. We used to laugh at this commercial at work on night shift. We knew that if we turned the TV on after midnight, we'd see a Pos T Vac commercial. The guys in it all look like skid row bums that they tried to clean up for the commercial shoot.

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  7. What's more awkward, coming up to your wife & kissing her neck with a raging boner from out of nowhere or having to pump for 4 minutes after she agrees to have sex?

    Check out the Phallo-San related video. Looks comfy and you only have to wear it for 3-6 months!

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  8. The thing about Kool-Toofs and "If you have a brain in your head", is that they both just repeat a few words over and over. Kool-Toofs: Be all that you can be. Brain in Head: Of Life. It's rather disconcerting. Like they don't have big enough vocabularies.

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  9. thank you! that is without question the grossest infomercial i have ever seen thanks to not being able to sleep. skid row bum would be a step in a positive direction from pedophile creepy guy. if you have a brain in your head, you will get this commercial off the air.

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  10. Be all you can be guy is a child molester. I have no doubt in my mind after seeing that little smirk after he finishes his lines.

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  11. Why the heck do insurance companies cover this but not hearing aids and in most cases glasses????

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  12. The dudes on this commercial are all as creepy as fuck. The black guy reminds me of Jules in Pulp Fiction and the guy with the 80s glasses looks like a prison rapist. Seeing this commercial before bedtime is guaranteed nightmare fuel.

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