Monday, August 15, 2011

The 10 Most Worthless College Majors

From Kurt and

College is a great place to learn and have fun. But let’s not kid ourselves, some degrees are as useless as the plot in a Michael Bay film. Here’s ten that may be interesting, but do jack shit for you in the real world.


Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: With an art history degree you could maybe curate an art gallery or work at a museum or….yeah, that’s it. That’s all you can do. And seeing as how every art gallery and museum I’ve ever been to has exactly one dude sitting quietly at a desk reading a New Yorker and eating a food that requires chopsticks, I’m going to go ahead and assume there’s not a lot of positions open in the field.

What Job You’ll End Up With: After your parents boot your ass from your bedroom, you’ll wander towards the nearest coffee shop and get a job there, which will allow you to meet artists who put fliers by the cash register to inform people of their upcoming show featuring “the combination of art and flute.”


Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: This isn’t ancient Greece: no one is going to pay you money, or allow you to sodomize their attractive son, in exchange for your knowledge of existence. Never has there been an employer who’s said “Man, we’re having all kinds of problems, I wish we had someone on our team who could reference and draw conclusions from the story of Siddhartha that would pull up our fourth quarter numbers.”

What Job You’ll End Up With: Thanks to your extensive knowledge of philosophy, you’re now self-aware enough to know that most jobs out there will make you totally miserable. So most likely you’ll wait tables part time and hope someone starts paying you for the bi-monthly entries on your blog.


Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: I didn’t even know this was a major until I found it on the Appalachian State website. According to them, “Music therapy is the scientific application of the art of music within a therapeutic relationship to meet the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs of individuals.” Which is a big, fancy way of saying “We’ll teach you how to make a mix tape.”

What Job You’ll End Up With: After realizing that yoga studios and elderly homes don’t pay people just to come in and set mood music, you’re going to end up putting your degree towards burning a fire to keep warm because you are homeless.


Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Despite what “Dancing with the Stars” and “High School Musical” may tell you, there aren’t a lot of dancing jobs out there -- so you better be good, because there really aren’t any gigs for mediocre dancers. Outside of New York or LA there is absolutely nothing you can do with a dance degree that doesn’t involve actually dancing for money. And since the Des Moines interpretive dance movement hasn’t really taken off yet, you have a better chance landing a job as an 8-Track repairman or a member of the Beatles.

What Job You’ll End Up With: After moving to New York and trying out for Hello Dolly! or Damn Yankees or any of the other seven Broadway plays that want dancers and not landing a single one because you got your dance degree from Ball State, you will find ample opportunity to show off your choreographic skills at one of the city’s many strip clubs.


Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Not only does no one speak this language anymore, but we already have all the Latin that exists in the world. There’s no new Latin that’s hot off the presses that needs immediate translating. I’m no business major, but majoring in a language that doesn’t exist anymore doesn’t sound so good for job security.

What Job You’ll End Up With: Since you majored in something that doesn’t exist, you’re going to have two jobs. Your first one will be as the annoying pretentious guy who gives everyone the Latin etymology of every big word he hears at every dinner party he attends. Your second, and most lucrative job, will be as a Subway Sandwich Artist.

See the rest at


  1. They really should have included my major, Sociology. It was about as useful as majoring in Underwater Fire Prevention.

  2. My first one, Theatre, is also pretty useless. As a result I'm fabulous at charades and always get asked to make announcements because I'm not scared of a microphone.

    I decided to enhance my unmarketability and get a degree in Liberal Arts. Yep, that's what it's called. I call it my Bachelor of Arts in Dabbling. I'm just a big ole dilettante. :)

  3. Fashion design. Spend your hard earned money for a four-year degree in fashion design so your daughter (who had NEVER expressed a prior interest in fashion) can get a shitty part-time job working retail at a high-end clothing store.

    I'm not bitter.

  4. I like the pictures used for this post, especially the dogs playing poker and the "dancer." :D

  5. In reference to music therapy being on this list:

    IF music therapy were actually just about teaching clients to make and use mix-tapes, yea.. it would be useless.

    But that isn't what it is. Music therapy is a mixture of skills that require a person to have an extensive knowledge of music, psychology, anatomy and physiology, and much more depending on their specialization.
    In hospitals they help reduce pain without drugs by using the gate control theory of pain and their extensive musical knowledge. This type of thing saves hospitals money and decreases patient stay.
    In schools, music therapists reach out to students with learning disabilities and developmental disabilities in ways that teachers simply cannot. If music is something these children enjoy, academic, social, and communicational skills can be taught to them in a way that gets through to them. This increases teacher satisfaction, parent satisfaction and saves the teacher time when skills can be taught in an alternative way.

    These are only a FEW examples of why music therapy is a viable profession.

    Also, philosophy is not always a useless degree. This is a degree that undergraduates can implement a pre-medical concentration. Some graduate medical programs like to see this because someone who understands philosophy will be able to deal with the highly moral and ethical dilemmas that advanced medicine can present.

    Ultimately what your college degree comes down to is not what you major in, it's how you use it. Some people go to college for the wrong reasons but I believe someone that is dedicated and passionate about what they love will and can make a living off of it.



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