Thursday, July 7, 2011

June Tagline Roundup

Wherein we revisit last month's taglines and discover what they mean.

I asked Timothy Leary. He couldn't help me either.

Your windsong
stays on my mind

Why do you ask,
Two Dogs F*cking?

Gunpowder, treason and plot

Say "What?" one more time!

"Quod erat demonstrandum. Ooh, you speak French!"

Like a midget at a urinal, I had to stay on my toes.

They took from her the one thing they said she never had. - Promo line written by one of my former cable TV co-workers. All her scripts were howlingly bad, but this one was our favorite. I don't remember what show or movie it was for.

Slim knew that his big sack would be tough to handle.

Take Stork here... everybody thought Stork was brain-damaged.

Holding hands
while the walls come tumbling down.

I would rather fight than switch.

Come hug my neck, Cay-ree. - Something my aunts used to say to me when I'd see them at Christmas. That's how they pronounced my name.

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas. - Old saying meant to prod slackers and excuse-makers.

What the hell is an aluminum falcon?

Don't pick a
prickly pear by the paw, when you pick a pear try to use the claw.

Side effects may include nausea, flatulence, vaginal flatulence (queef), colitis, bursitis, scoliosis, spicoliosis, dizziness, tizziness, hallucinations, fever, yellow fever, Pac-Man fever, paranoia, paraplegia, dyspepsia, distemper, rabies, scabies, urolagnia, uremia, dementia, absentia, rectal prolapse (ass tulip), dry heaves, dry humping, uncontrollable flexing of the sphincter, frothing at the mouth, homicidal ideation, death or an intense desire to be dead, anal leakage and mood swings. - My own version of the side-effect blurb in every drug commercial.

My name's Albert Andreas Armadillo. (No relation to the Sarsaparillas.)

elders, fleet and strong and wise, appear before my seeking eyes

Take the
phone off the hook and disappear for a while

A square with a horn makes you wish you weren't born

Sir Ian Sir Ian Sir Ian Sir Ian Action!
WIZARD YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!! Cut! Sir Ian Sir Ian Sir Ian Sir Ian

It wasn't that you threw the ball in the dining room and almost hit my china cabinet. It's that you told your sister you were gonna "knock her head off." - My grandmother's explanation of why I was the only one of her ten grandchildren to receive a spanking from her, from a story she told repeatedly, even into my 30s.


  1. The Sir Ian clip is one of my all-time favorites. So happy you posted the link to the Aristocats -- I've had that bit of song stuck in my head since you posted the tagline but couldn't remember where it was from!

  2. I'd never seen the Ian clip until today. We just finished watching movies 1 and 2 of the new blu-rays that just came out, so I had to click. Funny.

    "What the hell is an aluminum falcon?"

    One of the earliest and still one of the best Robot Chicken sketches ever. Classic.

  3. Fantastic post, Cary. Great links--a lot of good memories here. This must have taken you a while to put together. I loved the story about your grandma. :-)

  4. I remember today's tagline from that annoying 70's Shake and Bake commercial!

  5. The "ifs, ands, or buts" quote reminds me of one of my grandmother's favorites: "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride."

    When I said I wanted something, my grandpa would say, "People in Hell want ice water, too, baby girl, but that don't mean they're going to get it." (And then he'd promptly give me what I wanted.) I sure do miss that man.

  6. I didn't recognize the "Aluminum Falcon" quote (I don't recognize most of the taglines), until I saw it on Robot Chicken a couple of nights ago.

  7. I love this blog and its' are all so smart, so funny, and you watch Robot Chicken and get the gags....sigh, heaven!



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