Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Craigslist Ads Of The Day: Jogging Partner/Jedi Needed

Two quickies for your reading pleasure.

best of craigslist > des moines >

Jogging Partner

Date: 2011-05-26, 9:09PM CDT

I am looking for a person of athletic build to help me get in shape.

I hate exercising with passion so the plan of action is this: I ingest Rohypnol [you supply the roofies as I don't know where to purchase them] and you strap my body to yours [limbs to limbs using velcro] and take me along on a jog.

Three nights a week.

If you're capable and interested, E-mail me so that we can discuss the fee.

best of craigslist > western mass >

Jedi Needed To Induce Labor

Date: 2011-06-15, 5:35PM EDT

I am nearing towards my due date and I am miserable. My child is about 9 lbs now and I still have 2 weeks to go.

I was hoping that tonight's full moon will do the trick, but this child is as snug as a bug in my uterus.

I'm looking for someone who possesses Jedi powers to use their mind tricks on my child to convince him to come early. The sooner the better.

If you are a master in the way's of the Jedi please help me deliver this child! Many thanks and may the force be with you and my womb.


  1. Sounds like each solution would work. I'll just try not to get the two confused (I am quite fit, have Jedi powers and know where to get roofies).

  2. I think the fee would have to be pretty high for someone to be willing to answer that first ad. The person who posted the ad is quite the overachiever. Go get 'em tiger! haha

    As for the impatient pregnant lady, I am just glad I don't have to worry about that any more. :-D

  3. I've never been pregnant, but I'm told that the lightsaber might do the trick.

  4. I think it was the lightsaber that got her into this situation to begin with.

  5. That first guy? While I know you're supposed to be sore after a workout, he's gonna wonder why it's mainly concentrated in one particular spot. In other words?

    He's gonna get raped.

    @ t-ro

    As long as he remembered to make the "lightsaber noises" during, he's in the clear.

  6. T-Ro! You beat me to it, but it's nice to see you back.



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