Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Microbiologist

craigslist-Best-Of > montreal >

To the cute microbiologist who's gonna examine my stool - w4m

Date: 05-16-2008, 1:39AM EDT


Well if you're reading this, you already know it's you. I walked into the lab today because of chronic diarrhea, and they called you specifically to take care of my case.

You were so cute when you said I had abnormally huge taste buds. When you said you had to have another look at the back of my throat, it was obvious you just
wanted to see their freaky fatness once more, and I called you on it.

You then turned completely red, and I don't know if it was because of my grossly exaggerated yet founded accusations or because I wasn't wearing a bra and you left me waiting for like 45 minutes in an industrial AC powered office.

You're gonna be growing five different cultures from my stool in the next week and I have no idea, despite all my funk and resourcefulness, how to make the idea of giving me a call after work seem inspiring.

Between all these questions you're asking me, all of which are related to my loose bowel movements, and the fact that you could lose your license if you got together with a patient, there is just no way I can slip you my number.

I don't really know what to do. I think I'm gonna try to run into you at the end of your internship at this hospital. I hear if it's not in an office, there is no law to prevent me hitting on you, and you taking it up.

If you're not gay that is - cause you sort of give off that kind of vibe too.

But if you're not, where is my highest chance of running into you completely by chance, one morning when I'm not your patient and you're not my hot, out-of-bounds microbiologist?


  1. Whenever I try to pick up a woman, I always make it a point to tell her that she's putting off a gay vibe.

  2. Finding romance because of a stool sample--how lovely.

  3. Gotta admire the resolve (?) of that woman to get a date. Were it me, I'd try to slink in and out of the lab as anonymously as possible, hoping me (and my gross poo) were quickly and forever forgotten. Bleah!

    On another note, where can I get me one of those vines that grows penis- and-ball-shaped fruit? That is beyond awesome!

  4. Honestly, that intern was probably just happy not to see another guy with a pus dripping dick. Gonorrhea or diarrhea? Which would patient would you rather treat?

  5. And then, the microbiologist went home to his girlfriend (or boyfriend, because he was "giving off that kind of vibe") and told her/him: "You wouldn't believe the shit I had to see today!"

  6. Sonya, is it fruit or some kind of pepper? I couldn't tell.

  7. What do the size of your taste buds have to do with diagnosing the cause of diarrhea? And I'm pretty sure "abnormally huge" isn't really a compliment in this case.

  8. Wow. I... how does one... Craigslist makes perfect sense in this case.

  9. Cary - I have no clue; maybe it is a mutant pepper plant. Never seen anything like that before in my life. But, fruit or vegetable, I seriously want one of those plants!

    And what RGR said: how on earth is taste bud size related in any way to diarrhea? For that matter, why would anyone know what constitutes "abnormally huge" taste buds, anyway?

    Craigslist: always a sure-fire way to find the freaks!

  10. Craigslist is fabulous if you're trying to unload an old refrigerator... but Looking for Love? Not so much.

    If they did get together, can you imagine being the friends who ask about how they met? Urg.


  11. Well, at least if they got together, then broke up, they'll know the reason they broke up, 'cause the relationship started off shitty anyway.

  12. "Daddy, how did you and mommy meet?"

    "Well you see son I worked at a doctor's office, my job was to give your mom a quick office exam, and not twenty minutes later I was wrist deep in your mom's liquid poo. It was love at first squelch."



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