Monday, June 20, 2011

News Story Of The Day: Annual Hassle-Free Suicide Day At Empire State Building A Success

From The Onion.

Thousands Turn Out For Empire State Building's Annual No-Hassle Suicide Day

June 16, 2011 | ISSUE 47•24

NEW YORK—Thousands jumped off the Empire State Building Thursday as part of the famed skyscraper's 12th annual No-Hassle Suicide Day, during which anyone can take the iconic 86-story plunge without having to worry about being stopped, fined, or serving time in prison.

Calling this year's event a "resounding success," building officials said that once the final body had hit the pavement, No-Hassle Suicide Day 2011 would go down as the most well attended in history, with jumpers coming from all 50 states and all corners of the globe to take advantage of the lax building security and the New York City Police Department's promise not to talk anyone down.

At press time, 18,755 people had jumped off the Empire State Building.

"For 364 days of the year, security on our observation deck is tight, and any person who threatens to jump is typically tackled and arrested before he gets a chance to climb our safety fence," building owner Anthony Malkin told reporters, while behind him as many as 15 bodies could be seen falling through the sky. "But on the third Thursday of every June, we open up our doors, lower our guardrails, and let people jump—no questions asked—off one of the most famous buildings in all of the world."

"So if you've lost your will to live and want the ultimate suicide experience, come on down to the historic Empire State Building," he added. "Tickets are only $15."

(Story continues here)


  1. States will do anything for money these days!

  2. They gotta raise money for whoever is operating the bulldozer after.

    This is the kind of thing Letterman used to show in slow-motion.

  3. I guess this would help some to answer that old question, "To be or not to be..."

  4. All that's missing is a coupon--buy one jump get one free. Times is hard, sir.

  5. If you change your mind, halfway down, can you get a refund?

  6. Wow, Cary, that was quite a video. I can't believe he was standing on the bridge crying his eyes out and no one stopped to talk to him or help him. It's so sad that no one cared enough to stop. He was very lucky to have survived, yes.



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