Thursday, June 16, 2011

Things I Don't Care So Much About Anymore

If you've read this blog or my posts on Guyspeak long enough, you know that I haven't quite come to terms yet with this whole getting older bullshit. In my mind I'm still a 20-year-old punk who can play a game of pickup football all afternoon, drink beer all night, then wake up the next morning none the worse for wear and be ready to do it all again--after I take that final I forgot I had and somehow make a B+.

Alas, them days is gone. Way gone. The last time I tried to play touch football (with adults) was back in 1993. I got a cleated kick to the eye on the very first play, and that was the end of that.

Luckily, there are some perks to getting older. One of my favorites is a distinct loss of interest in giving a shit about things that younger people think are important. I can't say that I have completely mastered the art of not caring about all these things, but I'm getting there.

- Being right.

- Being liked.

- Being understood.

- Life being fair. It isn't and never will be. I'll live. So will you.

- Being on time. (This one I fight but it's hard to get worked up about arriving eight minutes late to an appointment with a doctor who routinely makes me wait anywhere from 45-75 minutes.)

- Hiding my true feelings for fear of offending someone. I've never been good at this but I don't even try anymore. If you're a tool, I might not call you one to your face, but I won't pretend to like you.

- Being attractive. My wife still loves my bloated ass and that's good enough.

- Being good at everything. Or being good at many things at all.

- Being 100% politically correct. Sorry, I'll stop using the word midget when they pry it from my cold dead fingers.

- Doing the right thing every time. It's a nice goal, but we're all gonna make mistakes.

Your turn. What things do you find yourself caring less about as you get older?


  1. My job/having a "career". I tried for years but just ain't got it in me. My company is nice so I show up and do what they pay me for with a minimum of bitching, but any aspirations of achieving anything significant for pay are long gone down the shitter.

  2. Also, compromising. Maybe it's a good thing I'm single now. :)

  3. Looking foolish. Ordering overpriced coffee. Trendy, ankle-breaking shoes.

  4. What Liz said.

    Plus, being cool. Oh, wait, I never cared about that.

  5. I didn't know you wrote for guyspeak. (that's not something I don't care about though)

  6. Liz, I hadn't thought about that before, but I completely agree with what you said about a career. Very well put.

    I no longer care about getting approval. If you don't approve of me, my life, my beliefs, or my choices, then oh well, don't let the screen door smack you where the good Lord cracked you. Buh bye.

    Although I accept the fact that life isn't fair, I will never give up hope for a happy ending.

  7. People magazine. I don't even know who they're writing about anymore. LOL

  8. I guess the biggest one is that I don't care if you like me. What you think of me is none of my business. Having said that, in any situation, I will always try to do what is morally right so I, my husband, daughter, son-in-law and granddaughters *will* like me.

  9. I don't care about following trends. I wear what makes me feel comfortable.

  10. I've stopped caring so much about what other people think of me. And having all the latest fashions (which is why I like the classics. I've been wearing a certain sweater for 20 years and no one knows the difference). And like Liz Tee, climbing the corporate ladder. I'm just an assistant and I'm happy to be just an assistant. I used to do the "work every night and all weekend" thing and it just isn't for me.

  11. I don't care about fashion--I wear what I like and what is comfortable.

    I don't care about keeping up with the latest gossip about celebrities with who is doing what and such. I'd rather live my own life than live vicariously through a bunch of famous people I've never met.

  12. I'm with hils- I never cared much about fashion. I wear what's comfortable: Speedo thong, nipple clamps and a meat helmet.

  13. I no longer give a rats a$$ about doing things just because someone said I have to. For instance, I no longer put my napkin on my lap just because Emily Post (or whoever the manners chick is these days) says I have to...what the fuck good is that?? When I drop food, it goes on my amble bosom NOT on my frakin' lap!

    If I want to say FUCK, I say FUCK! It's a word, get over it mom! Think of cussing as an art form, I know I do...and I'm very artistic!!

    I don't care about trends. Or fashion. Or PC'ness. I don't want to hurt someones feelings, but...on second thought...know what? I really don't care about that anymore either! If you don't like what I say, grow a set and tell me so. We'll deal with it.

    Wow...I can think of a million things...but I guess that just means I'm REALLY getting OLD!

  14. I used to be interested in celebs when media cared about people with talent. Now "celebs" are people like the Kardashians and Jersey Shore morons and other reality show chaff.

  15. I'm with ya there on the whole politically correct thing, Cary. Midget is one of my favourite words to say, and I will say it until I have cold dead hands as well! I am Black, not African American, so White people, please stop tripping all over yourselves to say that African American phrase, it's OK not to. If you're retarded, I'm going to say it, no ifs ands or buts about it. Same with blind, hell, the word is in most of their organizations, so why the fuck can't people say it? Screw that "visually impaired" nonsense.
    I've learned to say what I think, tactfully if possible, but most people are quite clear on what I am trying to say. For the thick ones, I will break it down to them even further, and will use as base a language as possible.
    Being an impatient driver does nothing but raise my pressure, so I have chilled out in my twilight years. That doesn't mean I won't lay on my horn when some dumbass does something stupid, or is asleep at a green light, but I am no longer in that big of a hurry to get somewhere. It'll be there unless it has come under a terrorist attack or something.
    Trying to get a date. It's not something I would normally do. But, I've been alone for far too long, so I am trying, which means I have to still be concerned about being attractive. Which also means I have to try to get this weight off of my, as Cary so eloquently put it, my bloated ass, and go to the gym more regularly. Gay men are the most vain people on the planet, it's a hard cycle to break.
    That's all for now. I should write a fucking book!

  16. Definitely don't give a rat's ass about celebs and fashion (something I'm sure my daughter will curse me for when she's older). Reality shows like American Idol/America's Got Talent/Extreme Makeover Home Edition/Bachelor/Survivor - of course, that's not to say I don't watch a reality type show - I love Hoarders, Deadliest Catch, Freaky Eaters, etc. Just anything with singing, dancing, or dating attached to it!

  17. I find my self not giving as much of a fuck about the injustice of the world. Yeah, it pisses me off, but how much can I do about it? I vote my conscience and speak my opinion, but I'm not gonna march on Washington or even the local gub'ment building.

  18. I'm also starting to give less of a shit about audible farts. This does not go easily, though.

  19. I don't give a shit about money! Oh wait, yes I do!

  20. I also no longer feel bad about being a half-assed housekeeper. I was never good at keeping up, but at least I used to feel guilty about it. No longer. And even tho it's just me and my son in a 1400sf house, I pay a cleaner once a month to come in and do it for me. My dog doesn't even recognize the sound of a vacuum cleaner. I don't have piles of dirty dishes on the floor and we don't walk on laundry, but I do have a fairly high tolerance for clutter.

  21. Great list - I agree about not giving a shit about pretty much the same things you listed, Cary; I've often thought about how liberating it is to not give a shit about:

    -Whether most people like me, or what they think of me. Most people's opinions are irrelevant.
    -Seeking approval from family (mother, that is) for my choices and direction in life
    -my weight and appearance. I haven't let myself go, but the wrinkles, gray hair and sagging parts are just part of the aging process. Exercise, not smoking, a healthy diet and sunscreen can't counteract poor aging genes.

    Realizing what is and is not important to spend time, emotional energy, or money on:
    Good: travel, art supplies, and camera equipment. A decent computer (iMac). Books. Occasional nice restaurant. Interesting, fun people and family members you like.
    Not good: most clothing, most jewelry, and most material items. Fried or fast food. Bar drinks. People who are toxic and self-absorbed, or otherwise insufferable...including family. All network TV.

    And what Liz says re a career. I wish I'd known this in my 20's, before I launched into what I thought would be a well-paying and interesting career in medicine. I quit after 8 years, after discovering it was neither well-paying or interesting, and all I have to show for it is an obscenely huge student loan, and a skill set that doesn't translate to pretty much anything else. Careers are totally over-rated.

    And what Lefty said about not getting worked up over the wrongs in the world. It's unfortunate when people suffer, but it all goes in with the "life isn't fair" reality everyone lives in, and their problems aren't mine to fix. And v.v.

  22. "Speedo thong, nipple clamps and a meat helmet" hahahahaha! That's an image that's going to stay with me for a while! :D

  23. I stopped caring what people think of me and/or if they like me.

    I never cared about fashion. My look is jeans and a t-shirt and will always be that.

    I stopped worrying if what I say is going to upset people. I try my best to be kind and respectful when talking to people, but if I think you're a douche, I'm not going to let that shit slide. I'm gonna call you on it. I used to not say anything.

    I stopped giving people chance after chance to do the right thing. I'll let it slide if people fuck up once or *maybe* even twice depending on the circumstances; But the third time? You're an asshole and you need to go. In other words I stopped taking shit from people.

    I stopped worrying about how much I swear. I cuss. A lot. I try my best to watch it around my kid, but I'm not going to kill myself over it.

    I've stopped feeling a sense of entitlement. I used to get upset when I'd get dealt a shitty hand and I used to think "I've paid my dues, when is it my turn to catch a break?" The answer is never. Life doesn't owe you shit. Cary is right. Life sucks a lot of the time. Get used to it. Once I accepted that, I don't get upset anymore. It's just life. Let it go.

  24. @sonya--"People who are toxic and self-absorbed, or otherwise insufferable...including family."

    Right on the money there. Those people have got to go!

  25. To clarify: I don't think life is bad. I have a great life, I like most people and I do believe in happy endings. I have learned, though, that life is rarely fair. Bad things happen to good people; good things happen to bad people. We can't expect things to work out how we like just because the alternative would be unfair.

  26. I've stopped giving a shit about the honeybadger. He don't give a shit about me.

  27. It's odd--I turned 40 this last January, and suddenly, all the voices in my head just stopped talking. When you grew up the way I did, being bullied and made fun of for the way you look, those voices shape how you see yourself forever, even if you don't want them to. I just stopped listening to the echos of those who made me feel I was worthless. I still have a lousy self-esteem, but in the last year it's gotten better than it's been in the last three decades.

    I have learned when to draw the curtain on the day and say, "I will deal with this tomorrow. Now I'm resting. Alone."

    I've learned the power of No. "No, I will not listen to you complain about your day when I'm currently cooking a three-course meal, feeding Bea, and helping Maxman with his homework. No, I will not scramble around and do something for you that you were too lazy to do yourself. No, I will not watch your violent TV shows with you and count that as Together Time."

    I have nothing to prove to anyone anymore except me.

    I no longer do Pity Friendships with emotional leeches. My experiences have made me pretty f*cking strong, and I have no intention of sharing my strength with someone who won't give back. Watch me walk away.

    I don't make myself smaller so someone can feel larger and more important. I have a huge spirit and it needs to have a lot of space to move around in.

    I have never been and never will be skinny, and somehow, I'm pretty okay with it. After 30 years, I'm finally okay with it. I've been pregnant 4 times and have the stretch marks and the long scar across my gut to prove it. I've produced human beings. My body's been through wars, and it shows. And I'm bloody proud.

  28. And just because of your midget comment, Cary...

  29. "I wear what's comfortable: Speedo thong, nipple clamps and a meat helmet."

    Send photos.

    I would answer this question with all the things you said, Cary. I will remark, though, that not caring if you are understood or liked only seems to truly get easier as you get older. Of course, you have to get wiser, too; some older people have never figured out how to stop caring. Still. I have sympathy for those still sitting where I was.

  30. Rich Girl Red said...

    Although I accept the fact that life isn't fair, I will never give up hope for a happy ending.

    RGR, life much like an evening at Madame Wong's House of Rub means you have to pay extra for the happy ending.

    Lefty said...

    I'm also starting to give less of a shit about audible farts. This does not go easily, though.

    You'll get there Lefty.

  31. Please send those photos to Melissa, do not post them.

    Thank you in advance.

  32. That's not what you said earlier, Frank. I already e-mailed them to you.

  33. Cam, With Bob Kelso as my role model, how can I go wrong? Where's my free muffin?

  34. Winning arguments. Corollary: Proving I know what I'm talking about. If the numbskulls around me want to keep believing that Hitler was a brilliant military commander, or Mexico had a chance against us in 1846, or that Michelle Bachmann is a qualified Presidential candidate, fuck 'em. They can die ignorant.

  35. Being the person everyone expect me to be. Wanting to be the smartest. My collections of useless stuff. I was dangerously close to becoming a hoarder, not because I wanted to own more objects, but because I just couldn't part with any crappy thing given to me, not even wedding invitations and junk like that. I have to accept that I'm a lousy housekeeper and just can't keep a clean house on my own. My best friend came to my house with my mom's blessing while I was on a business trip, threw mostly everything away and made me promise I would pay someone to clean my house. I got rid of magazines, CDs, posters, old clothes, pictures of people I no longer care about, crap I thought I couldn't live without and now I feel so liberated, I can't even understand why I cared so much before.
    I love my career, though, and want to get higher positions but it's more because I get bored with doing the same thing than any perceived need of validation.

  36. I love you guys.

    I like what was just said by chrocs: being the person everyone expects me to be. I read some article about regrets of the dying and one of the biggest was spending their lives trying to live up to others' expectations instead of living for themselves. Amen!

    I also no longer care about always being right or always being the smartest. It's far from being the most important thing to be remembered by. Some old Hebrew quote I read once, goes something like... when I was younger, I wanted everyone to think of me as smart, but now that I am older, I want everyone to think of me as kind. Or some such thing. ;)

  37. I used to hold on tight to everything, especially work related. Then I woke up one day and had an "ah-ha" moment after a meeting with the owner of the company. We had a complicated network issue I was trying to resolve and his suggestion to me was to use email to fix it. Bewildered, I asked him to explain how email would solve the problem and his response was that email just comes into your computer. I scratched and scratched my head and asked again what he meant. He thought that email just arrived like magic to your computer and it can do things, because of this magic, that me or any other of our engineers could do.

    That is when I realized that no matter how good of a job we did or the amazing things we accomplished, we could never compete with email and this is the guy who is steering our company. I have since quit volunteering any useful information, suggesting new technologies or even volunteering for anything.

    If it isn't obvious, he is a salesman who doesn't know when to turn it off. Every technical issue has a sales solution so that is where I lost my technical will to live. Now I come home every day and try to be a better dad than I was before.

  38. Cary, that wasn't Frank's email. You sent that picture to me!

  39. Lefty said...

    Where's my free muffin?

    Here ya go enjoy

  40. @ daisy

    Why did I click on that? I knew it couldn't be a good thing to look at. (no offense Cary)

    And now I'm beginning to understand how everyone else feels when they click on one of my more "questionable" links.

  41. Wow - I miss out when I'm offline all day.

    Yes, I care less what people think. And I'm not afraid to say what I think - I like to call it middle age-onset Tourette's.

    The biggest? I am very particular about how I spend my time and who I spend it with - I won't suffer people who are mean, insane or don't like me. I'll just move on to those I care about.

  42. Bravo, Daisy!

    Jesus mother fuckin' lizzard, Cam! What the fuck was that?!!!

  43. I stopped trying to figure out why someone doesn't like me, not everyone is going to.

    If someone is bitter, hateful, negative-not in my life anymore-I don't need that kind of influence.

  44. @ lefty

    Not a clue. I was tricked into seeing it once, and as I'm sure you'll attest it's one of those thing you just don't forget.

  45. DO NOT CLICK ON CAM'S LAST LINK!! You will fucking regret life!

  46. I believe the correct term for Cam's picture is "Cluster Fuck"

    -Pleasing everyone--that took forever
    -Making snap decisions--I don't know what my brain does, but it does not snap.
    -Being totally made up before walking out the door. That was a hard one for someone raised in the South.
    -Reacting to assholes--well except on special occasions
    -Being a victim--it's just the flip side of being arrogant
    -Climbing every mountain--at some point you get to give up proving yourself. No one's paying that much attention anyway.

  47. This post and comments made my day! Thank you :)

  48. She... love your comment. Brilliance. My mind does not do snap, either. I have to kick things around for a while before deciding. Also... no "shoulds" is right.. and definitely no "should haves".. should have done this or that. I've said that phrase far too many times in my life. You have to let things go. The victim comment is spot on as well. Like I said.. brilliance!

    Love... no no no thank YOU!

  49. DAISY!!!! You promised me you would not show that to anyone.

  50. Aw, Cary, I know I promised, but you shouldn't be so shy. Not everyone can carry off a fashion statement like that, but you really do it justice. You've got it, you should flaunt it! ;)

  51. Not putting makeup on before leaving the house. I'm 50, my skin is clear (if a bit blotchy), I have nice eyes (all 3 of 'em), & I have great hair. On my head. Extra 15 minutes of sleep is the payoff. This ties into another item: I don't care about a "career" (the old saying: "Men have jobs, women have careers"). Well, I have a job, as a very good Legal Secretary. Also, I no longer care (well, this is for the last 5 years) about dating/relationships/finding someone to love. My sex drive is non-existent and that's dandy by me. Too much work, anyway. What else...oh! Keeping an immaculate house. "Presentable" is fine. Here's my standard: If I get killed, and my mom has to come over and clean out my apartment, will it make her vomit? If the answer is "no"...good enough. (Though I do love to clean the bathroom! Go figure.) Cary: Do a list of what we DO care about, now that we've gotten older! I would love to read what everyone has to say.

  52. I come to list of the day often...sometimes I post most often I don't. I wish I knew you people... you say what I feel and it makes me feel stronger to know that people think the same way I do...who'd a thunk it...a comedy site has the coolest, most thought provoking, and right on target comments on the whole internet! Thanks guys--kym



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