Wednesday, May 4, 2011

News Story Of The Day: Naked Teacher

Don't pin this on Taco Bell. From The Smoking Gun.



Teacher Busted For Naked Stroll In School Hallway

APRIL 28--A teacher who stripped off his clothes and walked naked around a Georgia elementary school gave cops a New Age explanation for his behavior, claiming that he had achieved a “new level of enlightenment” and “wanted everybody to be free now that his third eye was open," according to a police report.

For allowing others to see his third eye last Friday afternoon at the B.C. Haynie Elementary School, Harlan Porter was charged with public indecency. The 31-year-old educator was booked into the Clayton County Jail on the misdemeanor charge and released after posting $2000 bond.

Since Porter’s April 22 stroll--which came at about 3:20 PM--was not witnessed by any students, who had been dismissed, he avoided more serious charges.

An officer from the Morrow Police Department reported, “I explained the obvious problem with his third eye being opened in public.”

While acknowledging that his education career would be damaged by the bust, Porter said that he still desired to teach, except “on a new level, with hands in the earth, gathering the essence and learning how to love one another and fully appreciate the spiritual realm.”

According to cops, fellow teachers reported that Porter “did not drink sodas or other canned beverages and maintained a strict vegan diet” and was not known to take drugs or drink alcohol.

“However on the date in question they noticed that he was drinking a coke and had gone to Taco Bell to get tacos for lunch,” reported Officer Khari Reed.

It is unknown what role, if any, the Mexican delicacy may have played in Porter’s ill-advised decision to unveil his third eye, though Reed did note that the teacher “had recently learned that his employment contract would not be renewed.”

Reed also reported that Porter had previously been “diagnosed schizophrenic,” though the school’s principal told cops the educator had never exhibited “strange behavior.”

12 comments:

  1. Ah, good old Clayton County, GA...where all the weirdos hang out...that's why I LEFT and moved to Henry County, lol! No one told me about Clayton till I moved to Riverdale and discovered for myself...so OFF I went!

    and that "third eye" comment made me snarf diet pepsi and SmartFood popcorn out my nose. The pepsi I could handle...the popcorn hurt!

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  2. I am offended by the assumption that Taco Bell is a Mexican delicacy. There are at least two lies on that description.

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  3. The guy's a schizophrenic New Age vegan who doesn't smoke, drinks neither cokes or alcohol, and they want to blame Taco Bell? Hell to the no!

    At least he's not from Florida, so he's got that going for him, which is nice.

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  4. Somebody went off his meds.

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  5. His employment contract won't be renewed. So does that mean he's still teaching until his current contract expires? Yikes! I'm glad I'm not the parent of a child who attends that school. You never know when the next time will be when he suddenly feels "enlightened" again. It might be when he has a whole room full of elementary kids.

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  6. OMG, I love this cop:

    An officer from the Morrow Police Department reported, “I explained the obvious problem with his third eye being opened in public.”

    LULZ

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  7. That was my favorite line, too, Ruby.

    I think this fella needs to be enlightened with some Happy Paddles. Bzzzzzzzzzzz!

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  8. It is unknown what role, if any, the Mexican delicacy may have played in Porter’s ill-advised decision to unveil his third eye

    Speaking as someone who occasionally indulges in late night Taco Bell cravings, if he's anything like me he would have been running down the hall clutching his third eye in a desperate search to find a bathroom.

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  9. I wasn't aware that Taco Bell was even considered Mexican, let alone a delicacy. I also enjoy what the cop said about his "third eye".

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  10. Since when did a penis hole become an eye? I never got that. Does that mean your butthole is a fourth eye? No one can sneak up on you.

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