Tuesday, May 17, 2011

News Story Of The Day: Mulch Dumped In Ballsy Location

From The Onion.

Load Of Mulch Dumped In Kind Of Ballsy Location

ST. CLOUD, MN—Onlookers expressed shock and grudging admiration Wednesday after noticing a full load of mulch had been dumped in what all agreed was a pretty ballsy location.

The 50 pounds of compost was reportedly shoveled onto the extremely unorthodox spot either Monday afternoon or early Tuesday morning. Though the identity of the individual who dumped the mulch there is not yet known, sources confirmed that whoever he is, he's got a real set of stones down there.

"It takes some serious balls to just plop down a bunch of mulch like that," 46-year-old resident Dave Bailey said. "Can you honestly believe this guy put it on that gradient that close to those birch trees? The whole fucking load, too. Have you ever seen anything like that in your life?"

"I'll tell you this much: He's out of his goddamn mind," Bailey continued. "He's got a swinging pair of balls the size of grapefruits, no question, but he's out of his goddamn mind."

Others echoed Bailey's comments and offered a mix of praise and skepticism, saying that while they admire the moxie it took to dump the moisture-retaining wood shavings in a place no one else would have considered in a million years, factors
such as the weekend weather forecast and rapid weed growth suggested the decision could ultimately come back and blow up in the crazy bastard's face.

"If you want my honest opinion, I think this guy's making a huge mistake with that mulch," said witness Bill Kerning, adding that when it comes to laying down mulch, the last thing you should do is get cocky or try to be a hero about it. "Then again, how can you not have a certain amount of respect for a guy who just swings for the fences like that? You definitely got to hand it to anybody who doesn't give a single fuck about what people think of his mulch-dumping choices."

"And if this whole insane plan somehow pays off, he'll be the one having the last laugh while we stand here looking like the assholes," Kerning added.

(Story continues here)


  1. It's hard to fathom anyone having such audacity!! :-D

  2. Listen, I'll dump my mulch where I please; but within reason!



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