Thursday, May 12, 2011

Fun With Questions And Answers (Of The Day)

From tongodeon on LiveJournal:

My new bank, Ally Bank, configures a security question and answer for customer service calls. In addition to your SSN, date of birth, and mother's maiden name they also ask you the question you specify and wait for the answer you've provided. This is good, because many standard questions are guessable in a way that user-defined questions may not be.

Ally Bank  Secret Question & Answer

A real live human operator always asks the question and waits for a real live answer. This measure has the potential to not just improve my account security but add entertainment value as well:

Q: Do you know why I think you're so sexy?
A: Probably because you're totally in love with me.

Q: Need any weed? Grass? Kind bud? Shrooms?
A: No thanks hippie, I'd just like to do some banking.

Q: The Penis shoots Seeds, and makes new Life to poison the Earth with a plague of men.
A: Go forth, and kill. Zardoz has spoken.

Q: What the hell is your fucking problem, sir?
A: This is completely inappropriate and I'd like to speak to your supervisor.

Q: I've been embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars from my employer, and I don't care who knows it.
A: It's a good thing they're recording this call, because I'm going to have to report you.

Q: Are you really who you say you are?
A: No, I am a Russian identity thief.

Q: For the remainder of this conversation, "How can I help you today?" actually means "Would you like to buy some mescaline?" Do you understand?
A: I understand completely.

Q. Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks?
A. Shaft. Damn right.

Q. Where have all the good times gone?
A. My pants.

Q: Condor 86171, Go Secure.
A: Line Secured. Authorization Alpha Tango One. Proceed.

Q: Tell me honestly, Sir: Are you ready to do some God Damn Banking?
A: Fuck yes I am. Let's fucking do this.

Q: Do you have any idea how much I hate reading from this fucking script for $7.60 an hour?

Q. Where have all the good times gone?
A. My pants.

Q: You can do it, put your back into it.
A: I can do it, put your ass into it.

Q: Whats the name of your first child?
A: Ham sandwich.

(More at the link.)

What would be your secret Q & A?


  1. These are funny. I'd think the operator reading the questions would have fun with these too, unless they didn't have a sense of humor. I don't know what my question would be. I'd probably use song lyrics of some kind.

  2. This segment is HIGH-larious! Have you ever been to a restaurant that takes your order, and announces your name when it's ready for pickup? I give them the name "Mr. President", sit back and wait for the fun to begin.

  3. I love these! I have an Ally account. This is my secret Q and A.

    Question: "These blow up into funny shapes and all?"
    Answer: "Well, no . . . unless round is funny."

  4. Q: What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
    A: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

  5. I don't want to share the one I actually used for my bank account, but I did come up with a number of runners-up. To wit:

    "How did you get so charming?"

    "I guess I was just born that way."

    "Why do I get lost in your cool green eyes?"

    "Stop. You're making me blush."

    "Mr. Gripman, do I have your permission to credit fifty thousand dollars to your checking account?"

    "Hell yes you do!"

    "What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

    "African or European?"

    "Do you represent the Lollipop Guild?"

    "How dare you!"

    "Have you ever been to a Turkish Prison?"

    "That's where I know you from!"

    "Airline food. What's up with that?"

    "I'll handle the jokes here."

    "If a train leaves Chicago heading west at 50 mph and another leaves LA heading east at 60 mph, where will they pass?"

    "I was a Liberal Studies major. You do the math."



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