Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Common Phrases To Avoid In Conversation (Of The Day)

From Real Simple (a.k.a Real Obvious). I tweaked a few.



What Not to Say About Someone's Appearance

Don’t say: “You look tired.”
Why: It implies he doesn’t look good.
Instead say: “You look like Judy Garland on a thorazine bender."

Don’t say: “Wow, you’ve lost a ton of weight!”
Why: To a newly trim person, it might give the impression that she used to look unattractive.
Instead say: “Fifty down, 150 to go!

Don’t say: “You look good for your age.”
Why: Anything with a caveat like this is rude. It's saying, "You look great―compared with other old people."
Instead say: “You look good for your age. Most people your age are already dead.”

Don’t say: “I could never wear that.”
Why: It can be misunderstood as a criticism. (“I could never wear that because it’s so ugly.”)
Instead say: “I could never wear that, but I would love to make a tablecloth out of the fabric."

What Not to Say in the Workplace

Don’t say: “That’s not my job.”

Why: If your superior asks you to do something, it is your job.

Instead say: "What does it pay?" or “I'm already on it. Go back to sleep."

Don’t say: “This might sound stupid, but…”

Why: Never undermine your ideas by prefacing your remarks with wishy-washy language.
Instead say: "This might sound stupid, so I figured you were the perfect guy to ask."

Don’t say: “I don’t have time to talk to you.”
Why: It’s plain rude, in person or on the phone.

Instead say: Nothing. When someone comes in, don't look up from your desk or computer, just point to the door.


What Not to Say During a Job Interview

Don’t say: “My current boss is horrendous.”
Why: It’s unprofessional. Your interviewer might wonder when you’d start bad-mouthing her. For all you know, she and your current boss are old pals.
Instead say: "My current boss is the Antichrist, born from the foul loins of a jackal, the son of Satan sent to earth to torment man and destroy everything that is good and pure. Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Don’t say: “Do you think I’d fit in here?”
Why: You’re the interviewee, not the interviewer.
Instead say: "Please don't let the fact that I loathe people keep you from hiring me for your customer service position."

Don’t say: “What are the hours like?” or “What’s the vacation policy?”
Why: You want to be seen as someone who focuses on getting the job done.
Instead say: “Can I take Friday off? I know you haven't hired me yet, but I wanted to go ahead and put in my request early."

What Not to Say About Pregnancy and Babies

Don’t say: “Are you pregnant?”
Why: You ask, she’s not, and you feel totally embarrassed for essentially pointing out that she’s overweight.
Instead say: “If that's a baby, I weep for your vagina."

Don’t say: “Do you plan on breast-feeding?”
Why: The issue can be controversial, and she may not want to discuss her decision publicly.
Instead say: "Do you plan on breast-feeding? I hope so. That would be such a waste if you didn't."

What Not to Say to a Single (or Newly Single) Person

Don’t say: “You were too good for him.”
Why: You are basically saying she has bad taste. And you’ll be embarrassed if they ever patch it up.
Instead say: “You were too goody-goody for him. He needs a nasty whore like me."

Don’t say: “I’m glad you got rid of him. I never liked him anyway.”
Why: She’ll wonder about your fake adoration for him while they were together.
Instead say: “Do you care if go out with him now?"

Don’t say: “How could someone as perfect as you still be single?”
Why: A statement like this comes off as a backhanded compliment. What she hears is “What’s wrong with you?”
Instead say: “What are you, a rug-muncher?"

What Not to Say During a Fight with Your Beloved

Don’t say: “You always” or “You never” or “You’re a [slob, jerk]” or “You’re wrong.”
Why: Speaking in absolutes like “you always” and “you’re wrong” is playing the blame game, and resorting to name calling makes your partner feel helpless, which puts him on the defensive and makes a bad fight worse.
Instead say: “Fuck you!"

Don’t say: “If you really loved me, you would...”
Why: The more you treat your partner as if he’ll never satisfy you, the less satisfied you’ll be. Controlling your partner by imploring him to do something isn’t a good way to build intimacy.
Instead say: “If you really loved me, you would shoot me."

7 comments:

  1. hah! I got the "Why are you single?" question just the other day.

    Yes, I am a rug muncher.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good for you, Frank.

    I am not, so that leaves me with no good options to answer that. "I am morbidly obese and can smother people on their sleep" is losing its effect.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I got the "why are you still single" question this weekend from another single person. He also stated that I was so good looking and funny that he can't imagine why. I am a smart ass and wanted to say something about being totally insane while maniacally laughing and tapping my fingers together. Instead I just looked at him and said, "Because I have standards."

    I am adding to your list:
    "You have beautiful birthing hips."
    (Why do people think this is a compliment?)
    Why: There are so many reasons. Even if you are the physician about to deliver a baby from that woman it is still inappropriate.
    Instead say: "My, your ass is hug, but I like big butts and I cannot lie."

    ReplyDelete
  4. April, your answer to that question is very similar to mine, "Women have standards."

    ReplyDelete
  5. I had a supervisor tell me he didn't have time to talk to me one day. There was a work related matter that I thought he really needed to know about. He spent the rest of the day doing non-work related things getting ready for a men's club meeting that he had that night.

    The next day I brought up the subject again and told him what was on my mind. He said, "You really should have told me this sooner." :D

    Great list, Cary! My favorite, "This might sound stupid, so I figured you were the perfect guy to ask." hahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I used to hate to hear "Haven't you had that baby yet?" when I was 9+ months pregnant. I started answering, "Oh yeah, last week. I'm just carrying this one for a friend." Or "What baby? I'm not pregnant. Did you just call me fat?"

    ReplyDelete
  7. April said...

    I got the "why are you still single" question this weekend from another single person. He also stated that I was so good looking and funny that he can't imagine why. I am a smart ass and wanted to say something about being totally insane while maniacally laughing and tapping my fingers together.


    See that is the difference between the sexes, a woman can do that and either come off as having a twisted sense of humor, or looking like a "bunny boiling psycho".

    There is no "either" for guys. Even if you were to hypothetically say (as a joke mind you) "That you have such lovely skin, it'd look much better drying in the trophy room in my basement."

    For Christ's sake, she ran away before I could even tell her I was kidding...

    A trophy room in the basement is ridiculous, now the attic on the other hand is perfect, all that dry heat in the summer dries em out in days.



    I am adding to your list:
    "You have beautiful birthing hips."
    (Why do people think this is a compliment?)


    Still better than a woman grabbing you by the man-bits and announcing to her friends that "He's packing!" It was a weird weekend, and she was really drunk at the time. Plus her hands were cold.

    ReplyDelete

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