Wednesday, May 18, 2011

9 Most Annoying People At Starbucks

How did they narrow it down to nine? From Spinderfella and HolyTaco.com.



Starbucks is the best and worst place on the entire planet. On the one hand, they have more than enough delicious caffeine, whipped cream, and overpriced travel mugs to satisfy your early morning cravings. On the other hand, they're a steaming hotbed of douchebaggery. Here are the 9 most annoying people you'll run into at your local Starbucks:

THE REGULAR

Y'know what's awesome? When you walk into a Starbucks to find a line about thirty patrons deep, and then the person who gets in line behind you just shouts to their "friend" behind the counter: "Hey, Colby! I'm getting my usual!" Then, the line jumper spends the rest of his time trying to "just sneak in and pay real quick" so that he can avoid standing in line with all the other losers who don't come to this particular Starbucks as often as he does.

COMPLICATED ORDER GUY

When you order coffee, it shouldn’t sound like you’re giving the pass code to a missile defense system. If you’re lactose intolerant, on a strict diet, and can’t handle a full dose of caffeine, how about instead of ordering a “non-fat, grande, soy chai latte with a half shot of espresso and no foam," just drink a glass of water.

THE INTERN BUYING COFFEE FOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING OFFICE

Wearing an all-white or striped button down shirt, this guy shows up with a legal pad full of hastily scribbled orders. "Yeah, I'm gonna need 24 tall skinny soy lattes with sugar free hazelnut extra hot...and 32 grande no caff cappuccinos with light whip cream, sugar free hazelnut and vanilla with white chocolate mocha. And 14 grande supremos with a triple shot, sugar free vanilla, extra white mocha, no whip, no foam and an extra drizzle. Oh, and can I get a smiley face on the bottom of all those?"

THE STUDY GROUP

Screw the library with all it’s “room” and “group space.” It makes way more sense to have your 20-person study session in an incredibly busy and crowded Starbucks with tables that have insufficient space to lay your books. Everyone knows you have a poli-sci midterm, mostly because they can hear every f*cking thing you’re saying because you’re yelling so that you can be heard over the frappucino machine.

See the rest at HolyTaco.com.

17 comments:

  1. This post makes me glad that I drink tea instead of coffee and that I don't go to Starbucks! :)

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  2. Funny - can run into some really annoying people at Starbucks at times...

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  3. On the other side of the espresso (not expresso) machine that pisses me off are the baristas who correct me when I order a quad espresso macchiato. Turns out, if I wanted a caramel macchiato, I would have asked for it.

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  4. Same here, Daisy. I only drink coffee when it's bitterly cold. Otherwise, my caffeine is supplied exclusively by Diet Pepsi.

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  5. Like Christi, I hate that what Starbucks calls a macchiato is not actually a macchiato. Macchiato = espresso and foam. Not a sissy whipped cream covered sugar bomb.

    Completely unrelated, I had a boyfriend in high school whose senior picture looked just like the portrait of the day. He sure was proud of that stupid effing sword.

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  6. Did he ever ask you to bring him a shrubbery?

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  7. He was quite the pothead, so I'm sure he would have been thrilled if I had brought him a shrubbery.

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  8. Guess this is why I only use the drive thru?

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  9. I've only had one bad experience at Starbuck's. I was with my best friend who had just had outpatient surgery and was still loopy from the anesthesia. She ordered a "car-mul mocha cheeto" and the barista looked at her like she'd just peed on the floor. Now she orders it that way on purpose so we can laugh at the barista's reaction.

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  10. Re: The Regular... Y'know what's awesome? Not Going to Starbucks.

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  11. ^^Agree (1). I avoid the $tarbuck$ as much as possible because they over-roast their beans (always smells burnt in their stores) and they try sooo verrry harrrd to be worldly and sophisticated with their eco-friendly advertising and WOW! LOOKIT US! We are soo painfully HIP! presentation. They aim to mimic the coffeehouses of Europe and fall woefully short. There are several of Them near me in Munich, and I have never understood why because their products are sub-standard and overpriced for what they are...plus there are so many wonderful cafes and Konditori and Backeri in any European city which will serve you a cup of coffee that doesn't taste of sugar, cream, and potting soil.

    The Backeri/cafes I take Maxman to after school, the Fiegert's, is a social gathering place for our area. We've gotten to think of the folks there as family. That's the way it is here...not a place for some psuedo-intellectual douchebag to park his arse in a squishy chair with his laptop and scowl at anyone who passes and disturbs his Deep Thoughts. Or for some high-powered CEO choadthumper to stride in with his power suit and BlueTooth symbiotically connected to his ear and bark out his order to the hapless person behind the counter. You just don't get that here, and I can't stand that $tarbuck'$ has created its own culture when its products aren't even that great.

    Sorry, but I have boycotted them ever since they first set up a hive in Annapolis, Maryland, back in 1992. I think they suck outloud and need to be elsewhere.

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  12. Yeah, that's one of mine, Cary. My way of saying thank you for your blog and just for being you!

    ( o Y o )

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  13. Good cuz I'm stealing that.

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  14. Siressyorkie - I worry about you when you internalize your feelings. Come on - tell us what you really think.

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  15. Cary, just for you, lovey. Epithets just spew forth from my gob sometimes, particularly when I've been drinking a lot of coffee!

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  16. You have a gift, my dear. Truly.

    angels - HA!!

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