1. Take a mud bath at Calistoga (or anywhere else).
2. Tell a cop to "fuck off."
3. Help you move.
4. Give money to M. Night Shyamalan, Brian DePalma, or Al Pacino.
5. Tell my wife she sneezes like a lumberjack.
6. Eat WOW chips (or anything else with olestra).
7. Flip off a truck full of construction workers.
8. Ask someone (a mother-in-law, for example) to stay the rest of the week when I don't really want them to stay the rest of the week.
9. Give my e-mail address to any website that sells insurance or wants to put me in touch with former schoolmates.
10. Recognize a wannabe-actor in a Sunset Boulevard Kinko's only because his box of head shots was waiting on the counter.
11. Change a diaper.
I've got more but that's a start.