Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Top 10 Nasty-Ass Candies Of The Day

From Spinderfella and Candy Addict.

White Chocolate Maggots

White chocolate is nasty by itself; shape it like a maggot and you've got a winner. They look more like grubs than maggots--not that it really matters.

Hose Nose

Strap the plastic nose dispenser to your face and catch the oozing candy slime with your tongue, like you used to do when you were three.

Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans

These aren't as nasty as they sound. They are much, much worse.

Ear Wax Candy

Yes, ear wax candy. It’s a plastic ear filled with a fruity jelly-like candy that resembles ear wax. It even comes with a plastic “swab” to use to dig out the candy. Yum!

Candy Scabs

They come on an adhesive bandage replica that sticks to skin and encloses a candy ‘scab’ for licking so you can keep some candy on you (hidden) for licking any time.

See the rest of them here, but before you go, I'd like to add some to the list. These aren't quite as bad as candy snot and maggots, but they're close.

Circus Peanuts

Who eats these? Nobody, that's who. I wish they were real circus peanuts. I'd love to watch a trainer give these to his elephants and see what happens. I'd take video of it, too, because TruTV pays good money for that kind of carnage.

Zero bar

"Made with caramel, peanut and almond nougat covered with delicious white fudge." What the fuck is a nougat? Looks like a week-old dog turd and probably tastes like one, too.

Necco wafers

More like NecRo wafers--candy only dead people would eat, because their taste buds don't work anymore. Want your house TP'd on Halloween? Give these out.

Dubble Bubble

Worst. Bubble. Gum. Ever. Hard as a rock. Tastes like shit. Flavor lasts about 15 seconds if you're lucky. Responsible for almost as much dental work as Sugar Daddy suckers.

Peeps

A mixture of marshmallow, gelatin and wax shaped into tiny chickens. *gag* I can't even look at these things.

Boston Baked Beans

I used to go to a movie theater that had these as a candy selection. Once I asked a guy behind the counter if anyone ever bought them. He said, and I quote verbatim, "We haven't sold those for years. Nobody ever bought them. I'm not sure why the box is still in there. It might be stuck to the glass."

32 comments:

  1. I fucking HATE circus peanuts! I haven't had them in probably 40 years and I can still taste them.

    Also, I loath candy corn.

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    Replies
    1. Sorry, Liz Tee, but with all due respect, I love both candies that you mentioned.

      I also happen to love Peeps, Chicho-o-Sticks,Neccos and others not even on there.

      Circus Peanuts are my number one favorite in this, my retro candy year. I eat both Spangler (which has the jello recipe someone mentioned, and they are in Bryan, ohio and do (under repackaking in independent and drugstore brands) most of them, with (almost all at Dollar Tree Melster's being the OTHER band. I agree with Siress Yorki'es Husband and her Father in law on candy!

      Delete
  2. I like Necco wafers! I used to like Zero bars, too, but haven't had one in decades.

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  3. We used Necco wafers in the laundromat in college when we ran out of nickels.

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  4. We use Necco wafers for roofing tiles when we build gingerbread houses.

    Those Bertie Bott's beans are beyond nasty. Dirt and Earthworm are particularly vile. Earwax made me vomit, so I got to pass on that one.

    Zeros, Chick-o-Sticks, Mary Janes, and Clark bars -- who eats those? (Clark bars and Mary Janes are made by Necco. Duh.)

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  5. You want to talk about nasty candy? How about high - powered blotter acid dipped in chocolate?
    Put on a movie like "Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory" after serving up chocolate - coated LSD at a party and watch people freak out -- just kidding.

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  6. Funny, we passed a huge endcap filled with those orange foam peanut things masquerading as candy at WallyWorld last week, and I wondered who the hell eats them. They have been around forever, and I've never had the inclination to try one. I don't get Peeps, either.

    Necco wafers: all taste like they had PeptoBismol and chalk as the base ingredients. How/why I ate them as a kid still boggles my mind.

    @matt - you aren't foolin' anyone with the "just kidding" comment ;).

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  7. You can add candy corn and good and plenty for me to the shit list.

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  8. Candy corn I can take or leave but I'm with you on Good & Plenty. Gross.

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  9. I like chick-o-sticks and zero bars (they have to be frozen) - mostly because they were childhood standards at the city pool.

    My grandma liked circus peanuts so I'd eat them with her but they were cloying and too sweet and gave me a headache. Never stopped me though.

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  10. Prairie Girl said...

    Cadbury Easter Cream Eggs

    Makes my throat clench just thinking about them. So disgusting!

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  11. WW - the childhood standard at my city pool was Baby Ruth. In the shallow end, usually.

    PG - god yes, soooo disgusting. I don't want any candy with CREAM in it.

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  12. I don't like Necco Wafers or Pez or any other candy that tastes like it is made from dust.

    I don't particularly care for the circus peanuts, but I don't like to run them down too much. The candy company in my town makes them, and they keep a lot of people employed here.

    A jello salad made out of circus peanuts is practically a potluck staple here, unfortunately. :)

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  13. Hmm...I'm not sure why that link didn't work. Here's the copy and paste version.

    http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/Circus-Peanut-Gelatin

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  14. The only good thing about a Peep is when you put it in the microwave. That has become an Easter tradition at our house.

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  15. Cary, I think your list is a gallery of sweets that were too crap to be exported to Australia.

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  16. Peeps and circus peanuts are the only things from your list that should be on there. Nougat is an homage to gluttony, and should b served in heaven, if there is one :P

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  17. Who eats Circus Peanuts? My hubby, that's who. He loves 'em, scarfs em down like mad. He gets a bag of them in his stocking each year and a bag in his Easter Basket. I actually have to leave the room when he opens them, the smell is so vile.

    My FIL loves Necco Wafers (if you look up the history of them, it's really rather interesting), and my son does too. My mom could eat them by the crapton, used to give her ginormous bags for Christmas. Yargh.

    Nougat isn't that vile. We toured a chocolate factory here last weekend, and the fillings of their choccies were nougaty and lovely. Don't let something like those horrible Zero bars put you off. They're vile and an affront to nougat.

    In our Yorkshire village, we lived round the corner from The Oldest Sweet Shop in England (you can Google it...it's a great place), and they had some of the weirdest candy I've ever seen. Like a lot of things in Britain, people have convinced themselves certain candies taste lovely because they had no other choice (mainly the post-war generation). I tried to sample everything they had in there, but I just got too grossed out after the candy shrimp...

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    Replies
    1. You've got a family with real candy taste! :)

      Delete
  18. Frozen Zero Bars and Boston Baked Beans were the classics after going to the community pool growing up. Don't eat them now.

    Still like Necco's and have a bag of Double Bubble in my desk here at work.. so shoot me hahaha

    Circus peanuts.. my grandmother used to eat them. They make my teeth hurt :)

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  19. Here in Canada there is a gum called "Thrills" that is made with rosewater. It tastes like soap, and even it is marketed as "Tastes Like Soap". I have never tried it, because it just sounds so gross. Why it is stll being made, I have no idea.

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  20. Circus peanuts are all sorts of awesome. I had a friend send me a 5 pound box once and was in heaven or course this is why I have a 200 pound ass. Drew absolutely adores them and the candy rep at our local gas station added an extra row because he makes be buy him them often

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  21. I have no idea what circus peanuts are made of, but I'm pretty sure it's nothing that resembles "food" as we know it.

    And Necco wafers taste like Tums. At least with Tums, you're getting some calcium. Sheesh.

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  22. Rocky... circus peanuts are unused styrofoam packing pellets spray-painted and indented to look like a peanut shell.

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  23. Prairie Girl said ...

    So Cary, if an Easter CREAM egg is filled with CREAM and we are shown on ads that these are layed by rabbits, does that make the filling bunny spoo ?!?

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  24. My Grandma ****** used to make some weird candy from "the old country" that tasted like hot ass and really burnt your mouth if you tried to suck on it for more than a minute at a time.

    I have no idea what was in it, or what it was called. I just remember having contests with my other cousins while sitting on her back porch about who could keep it in their mouths the longest.

    When those Bertie Botts Jelly Beans came out I liked switching them for the regular jelly beans in the candy dish on my office manager's desk. She'd usually snack on the normal ones by the handful throughout the day, but the first time I switched em she almost spit them all over her keyboard in surprise.

    Ever seen a nice 50-ish christian woman swear up a blue streak while spitting out a mouthful of half-chewed candy?

    Tried my damnedest not to laugh, but I ended up holding my sides and howling like a loon before she'd even gotten close to stop cursing, and promising that she'd find out who did it.

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  25. wow, I never knew there existed such animosity towards peeps. I love peeps. I open the package a day or two ahead of time and let them develop a nice stale coating on the outside. Or we use them for smores.
    My grandpa used to carry around necco wafers, so I cant say anything bad about them, I like them as well, maybe even if it is only for nostalgic reasons.
    One candy i HATE are those round pink peppermints that taste like Pepto Bismol. Gag.

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  26. My dad loved circus peanuts and peppermint lozenges. Must be a depression-era thing.

    I hate Bit-O-Honey and anything that is anise (anus) flavored.

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  27. Good n Plenty candies are great for pranks. When you have a particularly irritating customer, pull out a prepped prescription pill bottle, dump a ton of 'em in mouth, crunch like crazy, then, in a too calm voice, ask them to continue.

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  28. Nougat, is sugar, or honey, and nuts.

    Zero bars are actually pretty good, but, I just ate necco wafers for the first time for the last time.

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  29. Circus peanuts are disgusting, good and plenty are also disgusting. Zero bars are terrible.

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    Replies
    1. Yum Yum, and Yum. That is all that I will say.

      Delete

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