Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Things You Do In Your 20s That You'll Regret In Your 40s

Good advice from COED magazine. Great advice, actually.

What would you add to this list?


The fact that she was untouchable -- lest you ruin the entire friendship you and your best buddy had built up since you were six -- made her all the more desirable. But one day, they broke up. And soon you were spending your days holding hands and helping her pick out duvet covers. You and “that asshole” Mr. Ex stopped talking. Time goes by. Then some afternoon you come home to find her blowing a guy from the laundromat.


These days, having a tattoo is practically like having a belly button – everybody’s got one. The only difference is, having a belly button isn’t going to make you want to punch yourself in the face for stupidity as soon as you’re out of your “Jack Daniels phase.” Some tattoos won’t be constantly regrettable reminders that you were once a jackass, that is, unless you got any on your face, neck, fingers or any other place where your boss will discover much you used to like naked Star Wars characters. Oh and ladies, just so you know, one day that lower back tattoo you all seem to have is going to be known as the “old lady tattoo.” Not so sexy, is it?


This one applies to everyone, since we Americans all seem to be addicted to screwing ourselves over in the long-run by getting greedy and buying a bunch of stupid crap every 10 seconds when we can’t afford it. Yep, I’ve been there, too. And for now, while your biggest commitment in life is playing Left4Dead, it might seem OK. But when you have a family to support and sending your kids to college is suddenly slopped on your plate, you’re going to be eating a giant sh!t sandwich.


This rotten son-of-a-bitch trap can swallow even the most farsighted individuals. And I get it: You meet the woman of your dreams. You spend all your time with her; she gets all your jokes. And pretty soon, she’s on the pill and you’re living under the same roof, picking out paint for the dining room, secretly wondering what the hell happened to your manhood. Before you know it, you’re d*ck deep in webcam girl bills and pleated khakis. Next up, divorce, which charmingly includes going into debt to pay for the lawyers.


If you didn’t know smoking kills you by now, then you probably deserve whatever fate becomes you. The thing the never-smokers don’t understand is, smoking is good for the soul, damnit! (Unfortunately, you only think that because you’re addicted to nicotine.) But unless you’re some type of endlessly-going genetic anomaly, THIS SH!T WILL KILL YOU. Seriously, so unless you want your kids to think you’re a total asswipe, quit right now. If you don’t want to have kids, fine. But that’s not going to make the chemo any less sucky.


It’s hard to realize when you’re 21, but the time for whisking off to foreign lands with nothing to worry about besides which awesome thing to see next quickly evaporates. Before you know it, you’re still in the same place you were seven years before, but with too many responsibilities to get away with jetting off to Tonga for six months, just for the hell of it. So the best bet is to get as much traveling in while you’re single, childless and can still afford to not be working on building up your 401K (as if those mattered much these days, anyway).

(List continues at COED)


  1. I don't have a tattoo. Otherwise, guilty of all of these.

  2. Well, then, Kate, get thee to a tattoo parlor, before it's too late!

  3. I didn't do any of these (relief) BUT I did some others and boy they were doozies.

  4. I am boring, the only thing on my list is that I don't talk to my parents that often. Once a week with my mom and once a month with my dad.

  5. If I had it to do over, I'd be a lot choosier about how I spent my time and who I spent it with, but it's hard to realize that until you're older and look back on it.

  6. Stay in school, kids. That's my advice.

  7. Take better care of your body.

  8. No doubt. At this rate, I'll be completely dissolved by the time I'm 55.

  9. Yup. Advil doesn't kill the pain, it just moves it to another part of your body.

  10. Yes - take better care! These damn kids, esp the girls, don't get it. I guess because when you're 19 you can wash your face with lemon Pledge.

  11. Had I known what having kids and turning 40 would do to my body, I would have been naked a lot more in my 20's.

  12. *Don't marry the first person who asks you unless you're at least 40.

    *Travel when you're young and can still sleep on the floor.

    *You won't worry so much about what others think of you when you realize how seldom they do.

    *Take lots of naked pictures of yourself when you're 20. They will comfort you in your 40s.

  13. Okay, RGR. Make with the pictures.

  14. What Leslie said. Naked and up to the devil's bidness.

  15. I'm pushing into my 5th decade now...Still love my Old Lady Tattoo! (and the other - one of which I got 4 months ago)
    The last one, unfortunately life doesn't always give you such priveleges. Yes I regret it, but I've never had the opportunity :(

  16. 1.) Never date that "one girl" all your friends warn you about even though she's a wildcat in the sack. You'll regret that one sooner rather than later believe me.

    2.) Don't waste time on stupid bullshit when you're young instead of being out with your friends having fun. Mainly because drunken 2 am excursions to the shore for shits and giggles tend to lose something when you're 30+ and have to get up the next morning for work.

    3.) (this one may not apply to anybody else but it needs to be said) Never even joke about having had sex with "Crazy Mike's" sister, as he is literally crazy and will never forget it.

    3a.) Never let the restraining order against "Crazy Mike" lapse.

  17. Crazy Mike. Got it. Did his sister and mom.

  18. I am so adding "Going out drinking with Cam and Lefty" to my Bucket List. You guys crack me up!

  19. I second stay in school, and failing that, develop a habit of reading instead of plunking down in front of the tube.

  20. You guys that post on here on a regular basis are all pretty cool. I want to be you when I grow up! Unfortunately, I'm already grown so I'll just live vicariously through your post



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