Monday, April 11, 2011

News Story Of The Day: Zip-Lining Day Trip To Somehow Save Marriage

From The Onion.

Zip-Lining Day Trip To Somehow Save Marriage

CONCORD, NH—According to sources, the deteriorating 10-year-old marriage of Dale and Gina Byer will somehow be magically restored this weekend by a zip-lining excursion to the mountains of northern New Hampshire.

The couple, trapped and suffocated by an increasingly hopeless, angst-ridden relationship, presumably booked the short getaway on the expectation that spending four hours gliding along a wire between 60-foot-tall maple trees will fully patch up the manifold emotional, sexual, and financial issues that have long been pulling them apart.

"It's going to be great just the two of us out there in the woods, zipping around like a bunch of kids," Dale Byer said of the childless couple's ploy to remind themselves of whatever it was they saw in each other when they first met. "We've always talked about doing something crazy like this, and now it's finally going to happen."

"I've heard it feels like you're flying," Gina added.

First conceived after a vicious, 15-minute-long fight over who would walk their dog—a golden retriever purchased by the Byers in 2008 as a desperate attempt to fill the void between them—the Saturday trip will begin with a leisurely drive up I-93, two hours on the open road that will reportedly erase in one fell swoop the deepening communication gap that has plagued their relationship for years.

Including gas, meals, and admission fees, the zip-lining trip will cost the couple $500 they had put aside for much-needed repairs to their home, and take up time during which Gina had hoped to work on her resumé so she can eventually leave the dead-end job that has become the second-most miserable thing in her life.

(Story continues at The Onion.)


  1. HA HA HA! Well, I wish them luck. I have a feeling when they return home from their magical zip trip, their problems will still be there waiting for them. :D

  2. Why don't they just have a kid? It's the magical solution to all marriage troubles, isn't it?

  3. I do think the stop at Applebee's will really throw a wet towel over their religious issues. They have amazing steaks.



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