Monday, March 28, 2011

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: GTFOOTW

best of craigslist > akron-canton

stop-and-talkers at the acme #1

Date: 2009-03-29, 1:47PM EDT
Hey, so you ran into an old friend did you? Or the big sale on all cuts of beef has you in a frenzy? Can't decide which granola looks the best?


I swear, I see people standing dead center in a main aisleway, carts nose-to-nose SIDEWAYS, completely blocking everyone's path, yakking about everything from soccer to the economy.


See, some of us will park our carts in an inconspicuous location while considering our purchases, because we're considerate of others. Not you.

No, you need to stop and talk. Right in the middle of the lane. You couldn't possibly NOT notice that everyone is running into your carts while trying to squeeze past your idiotic fat ass.

So I guess you just don't give a shit. I also know damn well that you heard me mutter, "fucking morons" as I ran into your cart while squeezing past.

What the hell is wrong with you???

Oh, and how about you moms who like to march up the aisle with all 12 of your little heathens lined up like you're a moving defensive line in a game of red rover?

SINGLE FILE, PEOPLE! Line those bastards up, and move 'em out.

Furthermore, if you want to stand and gawk at the islands set up just inside the lobby, how about you do that BEFORE grabbing a cart and proceeding to jackknife the whole damn entrance?


The very sight of a cart in the bread aisle makes me want to punch you in your clueless face. That aisle is barely big enough for people to traverse, much less push carts. So park it somewhere else while you grab your bread.

What, are you buying so many loaves that your arms can't handle the 20 foot commute?

Afraid your cart will be stolen by someone who noticed your cart was already filled with all the items on his/her list and figured walking away with your cart was so much more appealing than going and picking out his own sardines and pop tarts?

Well heaven forbid YOUR time should be wasted at the store.

To all stop-and-talkers, stop-and-gawkers, and moms shopping with armies:


  1. Wow, I think this guy needs a hug. Or perhaps a large loading dose of Thorazine. It comes vanilla flavored now, you know.

  2. I agree with him/her...but not enough to write Craigslist about it.

  3. Good thing he doesn't travel and spend time walking through airports in Asia. If he did, his head would explode.

  4. I agree. It was funny for a second and then... I just thought this guy needed to go sit quietly in the corner for a few. Yikes.

  5. He must have made a trip to Wal-Mart to develop such a severe case of rage. But who can blame him. Happens to me when i go to Wal-Mart. I have learned to avoid that place like the plague during the first week of the month.

  6. Ha! His comments remind me of why I find going to the grocery store to be the most loathsome and dreaded task on the planet: stores filled with people who are "situationally unaware", as I like to say. And, yeah, he probably wrote that rant after a particularly gruesome shopping day at 1 day after the SSI checks were disbursed.

    FPOTD - hahah! Looks like some graphic designer got inspiration from a Penthouse "spread".

  7. Find a pal to go with you to the mart. Have shopping dates and dilligently write a To-Buy list in advance for your trip, so only urgent items have to be bought at other times. Catch up on gossip and whatever the hell you talk about with your friends. If you're single, go at dinner time so you won't get bothered by moms and spawn. You'll only find couples with no kids fighting because he never takes her out. It's not that hard to find a way to make your trip more pleasant.

  8. re: the image posted. Cary, I live my life by the teachings of Insanity Wolf. I also have affiliations with Socially Awkward Penguin and Bachelor Frog. They are me.

  9. RGR, hug him if you want to, but don't block the aisle!

  10. Best time for me to go is around 8:00 or 9:00 on a Friday night or around 2:00 on a Sunday afternoon. Most of the time the aisles are pretty quiet then. I try to avoid going Saturday mornings and early Friday evenings, if at all possible, because that is when everybody and his brother are there.

    A little patience and manners go a long way otherwise. Also, I always feel sorry for the moms who are there with little ones. I remember all too well what a struggle it can be to go shopping with little kids, especially if they are tired, hungry, cranky, etc..

    I am SOOOO glad my kids are older and that isn't a problem anymore. I can even hand them a list and the car keys and send them to the store for me now that they can both drive! :-)

  11. I don't remember writing this Craiglist Ad...but I must have...these are the exact words I mutter to myself on every grocery shopping experience.

  12. I just move people's carts out of my way.

  13. Wow... sounds to me like this guy would be pretty easy to pick out on a shopping trip, he'd be the one frothing at the mouth and swearing that everybody around him is an idiot.

    Also he'd probably be the guy to practically run over anybody in his way when he backs out of his parking spot, cause he's so worked up from his hellish experience.

    That, and he's kinda a douche.

  14. Nothing but NOTHING beats the idiocy I've witnessed at the IKEA on a Saturday afternoon. And that's shopping at IKEAs in Leeds and here in Munich. God in Heaven.

    The Brits are about as clueless as pack of shoppers as I have ever seen. It's not that they stop and chat randomly in a grocery aisle (they do that too)'s that they meander from side to side as they shop, discussing which tea to buy or what cheese is on offer this week in great depth. I used to HATE shopping in England with a passion because it made me want to start culling for the good of the gene pool.

    Luckily, though, I've adopted a lot of German-ness in my approach to life. If your trolley's in a German's way, they will simply reach out and shove it aside, and no one says a word. They'll even shove YOU aside if you're standing there cluelessly looking around. They'll do it with a clear "ENTSCHULDIGUNG!" and a strong elbow. Germans a pretty aggressive people, and things that would incite anger and "how dare you touch my trolley!" in America are simply overlooked as unintentional rudeness here. And dealt with quickly.

    Then again, making Germans angry is like shooting fish in a barrel...

  15. All the folks saying this guy needs a hug or needs to adjust when he shops, etc. are the same idiots he's complaining about. GTFOOTW!!! And the complaint isn't about your kids being with you, or even how many kids you have. But teach them to walk single file. No, you're not the Von Trapps, but you can teach them to be more respectful of others out there. Oh wait, you can't - because you're not!!!

    On a similar note, what the fuck is up with people saving spots in more than one line while determining whether one or the other moves faster? When did this start happening? Or even worse, having a kid wait in line for you while you shop! Now I'm in line and here you come with two carts full of crap and you get to cut in front of me? I don't think so.

  16. brian

    do you need a hug?



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