From Popcrunch--list, copy, pics, the whole she-bang.
BENICIO DEL TORO
Big Top Pee Wee
Generally, actors are hired because they are handsome. Unfortunately, they sometimes get a role that requires them to look like they fell out of the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down. Maybe it’s because of his naturally hairy face that Del Toro was tapped to play Duke the Dog-Faced Boy in Big Top Pee-Wee.
You know it’s a depressingly bad role when your character doesn’t even get a name. Goldblum played one of Charles Bronson’s targets in the famous Death Wish movie. He sort of looks like a mean, weird version of Jughead in this scene.
Leprechaun was made in 1993 and starred Jennifer Aniston. It’s unlikely after making gagillions of dollars on Friends, she would’ve agreed to this horror movie full of Irish stereotypes and questionable puppetry. Aren’t leprechauns supposed to be friendly and bring you sugary cereal anyway?
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation
You’d think with a name like “Vilmer Slaughter” McConaughey would be playing a wrestler or some king of daredevil stuntman. Unfortunately, this role was part of Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. It’s kind of like Star Trek: The Next Generation, only instead of a bald spaceman exploring the galaxy, a guy with a leather face explores people’s internal organs with a chainsaw. As a bonus, McConaughey plays a murderous trucker with a cybernetic leg. Shakespeare it is not. (Yes, that is Renee Zellweger as one of the screaming teenagers.)
SIR BEN KINGSLEY
The Love Guru
The name of this character alone should’ve sent Kingsley back to his agent with a baseball bat to beat some sense in him. How embarrassing is it not only to play a part in a painful comedy like the Love Guru, but to become a parody of yourself after playing Mohandas Ghandi in an Oscar-winning movie? It would be like Dustin Hoffman appearing in an 80′s teen sex comedy sometime after his role in The Graduate or Mike Myers ruining the Graduate. Leave the real actors alone Mike.
The term “Valley Girl” might’ve been hip and trendy back in 1983 when they made the movie Valley Girl. Nicolas Cage doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty playing a crazy vampire guy, drunk, or criminal with his face torn off. But in this one, he’s the handsome young punk that wins the girl with dialogue so horrible, you may throw yourself in a valley rather than hear anymore. You know a movie is in trouble when the film makers tout the music in it.
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