The Oscars are coming up, and the nominations are no surprise. It’s the usual crop of heavily promoted ‘legitimate’ movies up for all the awards, with scant regard to the fact that other films were actually released last year too.
Not being ones to let the little guy go unnoticed, we’ve compiled our own list of people and films who are just as deserving of an Oscar as ‘English-actor-playing-aristocracy’ in Serious-Film-About-Overcoming-Adversity.
Danny Trejo -- Machete
Just because it’s Danny Trejo and he deserves an Oscar
Kelly Hu – The Tournament
Mainly because she’s really hard and an Oscar statuette would probably double up as a neat weapon if anyone jumped her.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Steven Seagal -- Machete
Again, it’s about time.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Ashley C. Williams -- The Human Centipede
She was the one in the middle -- give her a break.
Michael Wilkinson -- TRON: Legacy
Because all-in-ones have never been so cool.
Alexandre Aja -- Piranha 3D
Because he managed to treat the subject matter with the respect it deserved. In the hands of a lesser director it could have been exploitative.
The Lovers’ Guide 3D -- Igniting Desire
It’s in 3D -- so now it’s even easier to learn how to have sex!
The BBFC -- I Spit on Your Grave & A Serbian Film
For sheer hard work.
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
22 Bullets [L'immortel]
Because it was the best foreign language film made this year. Well it had loads of gunfights in it anyway.
BEST ORIGINAL SONG
‘Frozen Skies’ from Mega Piranha, by Tiffany
We haven’t even heard it yet, but they went to the effort of recording an original song for a film called Mega Piranha -- that’s enough for us.
BEST SOUND MIXING
The robot dance in Step Up 3D
Because it makes our bums feel all funny.
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
“Machete don’t text.”
We’ve emailed the Oscars people with our list and a five quid bribe to change the nominations. Fingers crossed.
See more at Popbitch.com.