Friday, February 4, 2011

News Story Of The Day: No More Titty Bars For Benji

I tell ya.. it's been a rough week for male genitalia.

From The Smoking Gun.



Strip Club Visits Trigger Near Castration


FEBRUARY 2--Angered by her husband’s visits to “titty bars,” a Wisconsin woman held a knife to the man’s genitals in an apparent threat to castrate him, according to police.

Maria Casarez, 39, is facing a disorderly conduct with a dangerous weapon rap in connection with the January 14 incident, according to a Circuit Court criminal complaint.

Investigators report that Casarez and her husband Benjamin had returned to their home after an evening of drinking when “they started getting intimate.” As she was “going down” on her disrobed spouse, Casarez somehow retrieved a pocket knife.

With the weapon in her right hand and Benjamin’s testicles in her left, Casarez allegedly “brought the knife to the testicles and made contact with the point of the knife.”

Startled, Benjamin sat up, knocked the knife out of his wife’s hand, and said, “How dare you!” He later called police.

When questioned by deputies, Casarez “complained of marital problems,” noting that she was upset by Benjamin’s “recent visits to ‘titty bars.’” Investigators helpfully described those bars as “establishments which feature nude female dancing.”

Casarez said that she “decided to scare him by placing a knife to his genitals.”

A sheriff’s deputy recovered the knife from the couple’s bedroom, where Casarez submitted to a Breathalyzer test that showed her blood alcohol content to be .125.

She is scheduled for a February 21 court appearance.


11 comments:

  1. I'm glad that the investigators were there to helpfully describe what a titty bar is.

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  2. HA! Don't mess with Maria. The news on this "front" is enough to make you fellows tuck and cover, I'd think.

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  3. Glad for Benji that Maria didn't "bob-it".

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  4. I wish they'd told us which clubs, so I could make a few visits on my next trip home to determine whether this was justified or not.

    Because I'm always so sad that it has to be my home state for these things. Dammit, Wisconsin!

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  5. Count your blessings, Elliott, remember I live in Hooterville, Tennessee. I'll take your titty bars and pocketknives and raise you an Uncle Daddy and a really sucky football team. :)

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  6. What a ridiculous, hysterical headline - "near castration"? All she did was hold a knife to his balls. What a baby. Sheesh.

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  7. I didn't know it was illegal to be drunk in your own home in Wisconsin. The fact that they listed her BAC seems irrelevant. If anything, I would think her blood alcohol level would tend to negate the idea that she "intended" to hurt him because she was probably too drunk to be able to form that specific intent.

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  8. Startled, Benjamin sat up, knocked the knife out of his wife’s hand, and said, “How dare you!”.

    Yeah right. I'm sure what he really said was more along the lines of, "Holy sh*t! Is that a knife? What the f*ck are you doing?!?!"

    Casarez said that she “decided to scare him by placing a knife to his genitals.”

    Scare him/make him involuntarily sh*t and piss himself, not too much difference in Maria's mind.

    Oh and apparently don't piss off woodwoman when she's in proximity to cutlery.

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  9. Woodwoman - agreed.

    Jon - I thought the same thing. "Who cares?"

    It's ridiculous that she was even arrested.

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  10. Hey, someone - I don't care who - puts a knife to my junk, I want them to get arrested too. Assault is assault.

    That said, I'll betcha a nickel he takes her back.

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  11. I think it was just a typo...

    "showed her blood alcohol content to be only .125." That's newsworthy in WI. Hell, that's a baseline. Now she can't claim she was impaired.

    Did a little more research (Hey, it's news.) Black River Falls, WI is way da hell up nort', eh. The strip clubs up there are a tad bit lax on the no-touch rules. She might have been justified.

    And apparently the knife was recovered by a Sgt. Johnson.

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