Monday, February 21, 2011

News Of The Day: Noisy Sex Triggers Brawl

You would think that two guys in their 30s still living at home would be more mature than this. As for noisy sex... if you're gonna do something, you might as well do it right, no? At least they weren't porking each other (although I wouldn't put it past them).

From The Smoking Gun.

Noisy Sex Triggers Brawl Between Brothers Who Still Live With Their Mom

Meet the Crawford brothers.

Shane, 33, and Christian, 31, live together at their 63-year-old mother’s residence in Bradenton, Florida. The Crawford household, it seems, is a tense one.

Witness the events of last night, when Shane was in his room having sex with his girlfriend. This encounter, according to a sheriff’s report, resulted in an argument between the Crawfords because Christian believed his older brother and the woman were “making an excessive amount of noise.”

The pair’s verbal disagreement quickly turned physical, with Christian “forcefully” throwing an ashtray at his brother’s head. The on-target toss caused a one-inch laceration on Shane’s right cheek.

Shane allegedly retaliated by punching his brother five times in the head.

The Crawfords were each arrested for domestic battery and booked into the Manatee County jail. The siblings (Shane is on the left) are pictured in the above mug shots.

...and Mom slept through all of it.


  1. I gotta say, when you are trying to sleep and are being kept awake by loud porking, it's really annoying. And in my mind when the brother delivered the 5 punches, he had him in sort of a headlock and he counted them out loud. But that's just me.

    Re: today's porn. We have those all over the place. They don't slow you down a single bit, by the way. Especially if your vehicle isn't too low to the ground. I also recently discoverd a "Speed Table." I have no clue what that means.

  2. Question -

    What kind of *intelligent, capable, independent* woman do you have to be to 1) date a 31 year old man who still lives with his mother, and 2) agree to go his house while said mother is home and have sex with him?

    Was she 16? Ew.

  3. An excessive amount of noise? Someone wasn't using enough lube.

  4. *intelligent, capable, independent* Were those words used? $10 says her last name is Crawford.

  5. Smama - A speed hump is better than no hump at all, isn't it? At least that's what I tell my wife.

    Submommy - so true. I didn't even think of that.

    Frank - ouch.

  6. Of course mom slept through it. It's a "tense" household and she has two GROWN SONS mooching off her. There's not enough Valium in the world to make that situation work.

    I certainly hope Shane was wearing a condom. I don't care how intelligent, capable, or independent Trixie was. You can't fix stupid.

  7. RGR, I'd like to think that both Shane and Christian have steady jobs and contribute to the household rent, utilities and grocery bills.

    But I know better.

  8. What a bunch of whiners.

    If we had called the cops every time my brothers got into a fight, they would both still be jail.

    Brothers like to beat the crap out of each other, no matter how old they get. That's why we always take away Grampa's cane at family dinners.

  9. WTF is going on in Manatee County FL? I noticed that the story on Friday, about the altercation over too much cleavage, was also in Manatee County.

  10. I blame the manatee(s?). Shit-stirrers. They look so docile but don't be fooled.

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  12. I'm about ready to just push Florida off into the ocean. I know we wouldn't get very far with it before being pelted with ashtrays.

  13. Ah...brotherly love!

    I like how they included the fact that the ashtray was thrown "forcefully." They wanted to make it clear that it wasn't just a soft "Here catch" kind of a lob, I guess. HA!

    I have a feeling that it wasn't the noise coming from his brother's bedroom that was bothering Christian so much as the fact that his OWN bedroom was

  14. @ daisy

    That's why God invented porno and 5.1 surround sound.

    Hopefully Christian would choose something loud and disturbing enough to get his point across.

    Any suggestions lefty?

  15. Probable translation...“making an excessive amount of noise” = his blow-up doll popped.

  16. P.S. Probable cause of the fight = it was his brothers doll.

  17. Well, according to Gary Coleman, you can be as loud as the hell you want when you're makin' love.

  18. Lefty said...

    I haven't a clue.

    Is that because you don't watch porn, or because you watch it exclusively with the TV on mute?



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