Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Geniuses Of The Day

From The Smoking Gun.

Teen Thieves Snorted Cremated Remains

JANUARY 19--Mistaking the cremated remains of a man and two dogs for powdered drugs, a quintet of teenage burglars snorted the ashes after a break-in last month at a Florida residence, according to police.

That startling disclosure is contained in a Marion County Sheriff’s Office report, in which one of the arrestees tells deputies that the ashes “had been taken because the suspects mistook it for either cocaine or heroin.”

At some point, however, the alleged burglars determined that the powdered substances were not drugs, but that they had stolen “the remains from the dogs and the victims father.”

This realization apparently came after news reports about the December 15 burglary of Holli Tencza’s home mentioned that intruders took her father’s ashes from a closet, while the remains of her two Great Danes were removed from a shelf in her bedroom. A sheriff’s report on the burglary listed electronics and jewelry taken during the theft, and noted that, “Also taken from her bedroom were her father’s ashes and those of her two dogs.”

The sheriff’s source reported that there was a “possibility” that the purloined ashes were in the attic of Waldo Soroa, 19, one of the suspects charged with the burglary.

Along with Soroa (who is pictured in the above mug shot), cops arrested Jose Diaz Marrero, 19; Matrix Andaluz, 18; and two 17-year-olds on an assortment of criminal charges.


15 comments:

  1. HA! Apparently they aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer. Sounds like poetic justice for the Snoopy snorters.

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  2. They were just smelling the ashes.

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  3. I've seen "remains" and they don't look like anything I'd put up my nose. There's chunks in there. Ouch!

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  4. I think it depends on the method of cremation. Cremains were chunky for a long time, but they could be processed to make them smooth. I think most modern crematoriums are capable of reducing the bone chunks to powder.

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  5. I have some recently processed sitting in my bedroom. (Don't ask.) IMHO, it's still too crunchy to snort but maybe I'm not just desperate enough?

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  6. Lefty's been watching Six Feet Under, methinks. That fact was a key plot point in the Lili Taylor story arc.

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  7. Yeah, I have cremains from my grandmother and stepfather sitting around, both cremated within the last few years, and they are far too chunky to snort! Yikes!

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  8. I bought a necklace on eBay with a silver bullet on it with a little vial inside for cremains. I don't have any, so I asked the seller if she could spot me some.

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  9. Not that I would ever wear a necklace.

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  10. Not to impugn the journalistic cred of The Smoking Gun, but I'm calling shenanigans:

    http://www.snopes.com/horrors/cannibal/cocaine.asp

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  11. Damn, Cary. You figgered me out. Also I took a class in high school called Perspectives on Death. Great class. Up to that point I thought all cremains were like fireplace ash.

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  12. I did too, until my sister showed me her dog's cremains (love that term) a few years back. I had no idea. Also, they're much heavier than you'd think. Hubby's box weighs a good ten pounds. And the box was warm when I picked it up at the funeral home.

    .::crickets::..

    Ok, I'll shut up now.

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  13. You'd have to be a special kind of stupid to think that cremains look ANYTHING like blow! Not that I'd know what actual blow looks like, but I have seen and scattered human ashes. They *are* surprisingly heavy. And they are not white powder. Idiots.

    Liz Tee - your story was so sad to read. I'm sorry. It is a surreal thing to look upon a small box of gritty, gray ash and realize it is all that is physically left of someone that rocked your world. BT,DT....sigh.

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  14. ...is anyone else oddly distracted by his amazingly sculpted eyebrows??...

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  15. you never know what will lead you to LOTD.

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