Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Fictional Books Of The Day

Inspired by Siress's comment about The Big Book Of British Smiles from The Simpsons.

List from Wikipedia.

Family Guy
  • Caddyshack, the novelization
  • Faster than the Speed of Love by Brian Griffin
  • Horton Hears Domestic Violence In The Next Apartment And Doesn't Call 911
  • T and Me by George Peppard
  • For the Last Time, I'm Not Mr. T by Ving Rhames
  • Nobody Poops But You, unsuccessful toilet training book, parody of Everyone Poops
  • Wish It Want It Do It by Brian Griffin
  • You're a Naughty Child, and That's Concentrated Evil Coming Out the Back of You, Catholic toilet training book
  • Peter Griffin wrote a series of erotic novels dubbed "Peterotica":
    • Angela's Asses
    • Catcher in the Eye
    • Shaved New World
    • Harry Potter and the Half-Black Chick
    • What I Would Do Sexually to Hillary Clinton
    • The Hot Chick Who Was Italian or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish

Monty Python

  • My God, by theologian Monsignor Edward Gay
  • Hello Sailor, by humanist lecturer Dr. Tom Jack
  • The Problems of Kierkegaard, by Dr. Tom Jack
  • The Boy's Book of Boys ("will not suit all tastes")
  • The Hackenthorpe Book of Lies, by Ron Hackenthorpe, Derek Hackenthorpe, Jeff "The Nozz" Hackenthorpe and Luigi V. Hackenthorpe (in four handsomely bound volumes)
  • The Oxfod [sic] Simplified Dictionary
  • The Amazing Adventures of Captain Gladys Stoat-Pamphlet and her Intrepid Spaniel Stig amongst the Giant Pygmies of Beccles, Volume Eight presumably by Capt. Gladys Stoat-Pamphlet
  • Biggles Combs his Hair, author unknown
  • David Coperfield [sic] by Edmund Wells
  • Ethel the Aardvark Goes Quantity-Surveying, author unknown
  • The Gospel According to Charlie Drake, presumably by Charlie Drake
  • Grate Expectations by Edmund Wells
  • A Sale of Two Titties by Edmund Wells
  • A Hundred and One Ways to Start a Fight by "an Irish gentleman whose name eludes me for the moment"
  • Knickerless Nickleby by Edmund Wells
  • Khristmas Karol by Edmund Wells
  • Olsen's Standard Book of British Birds, expurgated version (the one without the gannet)
  • Rarnaby Budge by Charles Dikkens, the well-known Dutch author
  • Thirty Days In the Samarkand Desert with the Duchess of Kent by A.E.J. Elliott, O.B.E.


The Simpsons

  • Angelica Button and The Deadly Denouement
  • Angelica Button and The Dragon King's Trundle Bed
  • Angelica Button and the Teacup of Terror
  • Astonishing Prices Comic Book Price Guide
  • Baby's First Pop-Up Book
  • Backdoors to Citizenship, nonfiction
  • The Big Book of British Smiles, photo book
  • Bordello Repair Vol. I
  • Bork on Sex
  • A Child's Garden of Cons by Grampa Simpson, under the pseudonym Grifty McGrift
  • The Clue in the Clock, controversial Nancy Drew book
  • Curious George and the Ebola Virus, a children's book
  • Forgotten Lore
  • Happiness Is a Naked Steve Allen
  • The Harpooned Heart by Marge Simpson
  • The Harpooned Heart 2: Thunder Down Under by Marge Simpson
  • Homer, I Hardly Knew Me by Homer Simpson (autobiography)
  • How to Cook for Forty Humans, cookbook
  • How to Get Rich Writing Cartoons by John Swartzwelder
  • How to Loot Brazil
  • How to Make Love to Steve Allen
  • How to Seduce Your Lousy, Lazy Husband
  • How to Talk to a Drunk Father
  • How to Tunnel Out Of Prison
  • I Am Also Scotty by Leonard Nimoy (a fictitious follow-up to his two real books I Am Not Spock and I Am Spock)
  • Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie: The Novel by Norman Mailer
  • Journey to the Center of Steve Allen
  • The Joy of Cooking Steve Allen
  • The Joy of Cooking Milhouse
  • Love in the Time of Scurvy
  • Mr. and Mrs. Erotic American, audio book, read by Paul Harvey
  • The Murderer Did It by Lenny Leonard
  • Owning Your Okayness, self-help, by Brad Goodman
  • Rational Thinking, Reasonable Future by Al Gore
  • Sane Planning, Sensible Tomorrow by Al Gore
  • Someone's In The Kitchen With Jesus by Rev. Timothy Lovejoy
  • The 10 Dos and 500 Don'ts of Knife Safety
  • The Bible for Wise-Asses
  • The Truth About Whacking Day by Bob Woodward
  • Tome by Gore Vidal
  • Ueberroth, a biography
  • Unidentified Flying Outrage!
  • Weight Loss Through Laborious Sex
  • Who Wants to Be a Brazillionaire?
  • Will There Ever Be A Rainbow by Montgomery Burns, autobiography
  • Your Gimmicky Restaurant by Bennigan and Fuddrucker


  1. I was disappointed to find no Amazon links on these. Dammit!

    I just saw the Simpsons episode with "I am also Scotty". My son loves the Simpsons and treats us to a healthy diet of it frequently.

  2. I need to watch more Simpsons. K & I were listening to the CD in the car last weekend and cracking up.

    Long before the Superdome
    Where the Saints of football play...
    Lived a city that the damned call home
    Hear their hellish rondelet...

    New Orleans!
    Home of pirates, drunks and whores
    New Orleans!
    Tacky overpriced souvenir stores

    If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip
    To the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip'

    New Orleans!
    Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile
    New Orleans!
    Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul
    New Orleans!
    Crummy, lousy, rancid, and rank
    New Orleans!

  3. There's a few of those titles I'd like to read too, Lefty.

    "Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul" HA HA! Great words! Sounds lovely. :-)

  4. Wasn't that from the Streetcar Named Desire episode? That was awesome!

  5. Yes, Lefty. The Oh, Streetcar! musical starring Marge as Blanche and Ned Flanders as Stanley.

  6. "You can always depend on the kindness of strangers..."



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