Thursday, January 27, 2011

9 Actors Who Need To Stop Acting

A friend of mine was just saying how he's tired of seeing Jack Black do the same ol' schtick in every movie, and he thinks Jack needs to hang it up. I'm not quite there with JB yet, but ask me again in six months.

Here's who Maxim thinks needs to hang it up, and I can't disagree with them on any of their picks. I could add some, too.

Says they: "Their complete disinterest in making movies couldn't be more obvious if they just filmed themselves flipping off the camera for two hours. If it's so painful—just quit already."

This guy used to be magnetic enough to steal scenes from a seven-foot Wookiee. For the
Star Wars sequel, they had to go DEFCON (Colt) 45 and bring in Billy Dee Williams in order to present someone who could compete on the charisma meter. And Indiana Jones? The man. Plain and simple. But apparently, being cool is too much to handle once you hit 60, so Ford has devolved into a humorless lump of anti-personality. Hey, if you want to live out your golden years in Montanan seclusion, no one's stopping you, pal.

The perfect two-fer. Not only don't either of them give a shit about cultivating a respectable career anymore, but each cynical, Meet the Parents in 88 Minutes step they take further tarnishes anything cool they once did. Why don't you both righteously mercy-kill your careers now, and spare us your humiliating decent into Marlon Brando-ism?

Speaking of tarnishing… remember when Eddie Murphy was a dangerous loose cannon who tore through movies like a wise-cracking tornado? Yeah, we're talking about the same dude from Norbit. Murphy thinks that becoming "family friendly" has saved his career, when in fact it's killing him with each painful camera mug. Kids don't think he's funny and adults can only think of a time when he did stand-up films like Delirious that shocked us and, more importantly, cracked us up. Give it up, man. Oh, and fuck your couch.

The only non-actor on the list, but you understand. We haven't seen someone milk a dead cash cow for like this since Larry Birkhead. Not only has Lucas ruined the one thing that made him a legend to begin with, he constantly whines about putting Star Wars aside and going back to making small arthouse films. NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU, GEORGE. Do it. Walk away. But, honestly, we'd rather you just retire completely, so that you and your green-screen laziness can never infect another franchise again.

The Departed should have been a home run for Jack—playing a badass crime boss in a Scorsese film? But while Matt Damon and Leo DiCaprio rose to the occasion, Jack decided to play Frank Costello as, well, The Joker. Cackling, waving a rubber dick around—c'mon, Jack. We love you, but you've actually become a caricature of a cartoon character you once played. We want cool, intimidating Jack, we don't want grandpa-off-his-meds Jack.

(List continues at Maxim.)

Who would you add to this list (male or female)?


  1. I agree with all of those, plus I'd add Julia Roberts, J-Lo, Helen Hunt, Gwneyth Paltrow, and Angelina Jolie.

    I was ready for Jack Nicholson to stop "acting" (and I use that term loosely) quite some time ago. He has become a cartoon of himself in every film he does.

  2. Where's Adam Sandler on this list? How many times do we need to remake the same film? (In fairness, I didn't bother clicking the link. If Adam Sandler isn't at the top, I suspect Bruce Willis won't be on the list, either.

  3. Nicholas Cage. To be fair, I think he did stop acting ages ago. He just has camera crews following him around to document his batshit crazy behavior to shoehorn into the next film.

  4. Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Ben "I wish I was still riding Matt Damon's coattails" Affleck, Tyler Perry.... Gosh, there are too many to list.

  5. "step they take further tarnishes anything cool they once did."

    Ohgoodgod does it ever. It pisses me off.

    I agree about Nicolas Cage, but unfortunately, the dumb bastard needs the money now. So we'll be seeing his turds for years to come. *Sigh*

  6. What happened to the Ke$ha post?

  7. Yes to all + the lame Nicolas Cage. I second: Owen Wilson and Kevin James. Jack was bitch slapped in Departed. Those boys kicked his ass.

  8. Here's a sobering thought: Everybody has their own list of actors and/or actresses that they think should get out of the business...

    Question: Who do you put in place of these so - called "over the hill" celebrities? They win Oscars. Critics don't.

  9. Kushibo, it'll be back tomorrow. Embedding wasn't working on the original Ke$ha clip so I had to find a replacement.

  10. To be fair, any of these people on this list haven't won or been nominated in a while. I've loved DeNiro for so much in his day. Nic Cage (who I singled out) was wonderful in Raising Arizona, Leaving Las Vegas and Kiss of the Vampire. I've loved his work.

    It's like when the Chief smothered McMurphy at the end of Cuckoo's nest. It was a mercy killing. Rather than see McMurphy like that any longer, devoid of spirit or anything of his original spark... best put him down.

  11. Winning Oscars doesn't mean you need to keep making movies. In fact, if I were someone who got lucky like Halle Berry or George Clooney or Mira Sorvino, I'd quit while I was on top.

  12. Easily replaced by Christian Bale, Leonardo DiCaprio, Robert Downey, Jr., and Jeremy Renner, to name a few. All Oscar-worthy actors, and not one of them is phoning it in like everyone on this list.

  13. Owen Wilson. Good gawd, that man just oozes sleaze on screen.

  14. Bale, DiCaprio, Downey... Okay, I can see them as Oscar contenders. But this is my point: Ford, Nicholson, DeNiro and Pacino still have what it takes to break box office records and win awards.

    And besides, why invest in a list by Maxim? Everyone knows that Hustler is a REAL men's magazine... HAHAHAHAHA

  15. I just saw Pacino as Shylock in the Merchant of Venice on Broadway and he completely redeemed himself.

  16. I bet that was awesome. His first love is the stage, anyway. He's said that many times.

  17. Cary:

    You should make a list of actors we haven't tired of, no matter how many (some horrible) movies they've made. My examples: Colin Firth, Alan Rickman.

  18. Great idea, chrocs. First on the list: Pauly Shore.

  19. Where the hell is Nicolas Cage in this... He's the WORST!

  20. In the earlier comments, Anon.



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