Monday, November 8, 2010

23 WTF? Barbie Dolls Of The Day

Not all of these are real. Which means some are. Be afraid.

AMY WINEHOUSE

Instructions: "To make your Amy Winehouse Barbie more lifelike, scrape it on the pavement for 2-3 minutes, then dip in a mixture of bacon grease and gin. Adult supevision required."

PREGNANT MIDGE

Barbie's whore friend.

MR. SPOCK

Illogical. No girl would send Barbie to the prom with this.

ROSIE (BARBIE'S FRIEND)

This one's real, sadly -- they had a bunch of these left over from the 70s, so they just did a repaint.

SUSAN BOYLE

See above.

BARBRA STREISAND

It doesn't talk. Be glad.

LITTLE DEBBIE BARBIE

She must sell them, because clearly she does not eat them.

ZOMBIE BARBIE (ZOMBARBIE)

Often confused with Amy Winehouse Barbie.

ELTON JOHN

It sings "Crocodile Rock" -- until you clobber it with a baseball bat.

WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST

Looks just like her. What kid would want this? Seriously.

LADY GAGA

Steals Barbie's boyfriend and strips down to her undies in public.

CELINE DION

It's fake. I've never been so happy to type those words.

TIPPI HEDREN IN THE BIRDS

This one's awesome. Next I hope they do Mother from Psycho.

BECKY, BARBIE'S FRIEND

A nice idea -- a doll for girls in wheelchairs (or anyone else) -- but it was recalled when a kid pointed out that doll and chair wouldn't fit in the elevator in Barbie's Dream House. True story.

TRAILER TRASH BARBIE

Exclusively at Wal-Mart

CHER

More lifelike than the real thing.

PALM BEACH SUGAR DADDY KEN

Not interested in Barbie.

CAROL BURNETT IN "WENT WITH THE WIND"

I love this one, but it's clearly for adults. No kid will know what the hell this is about.

LEG MAN TROY

My daughter made this for me using parts from her Troy (High School Musical) doll. I always figured Troy for an ass man, not a leg man.

EARRING MAGIC KEN

Sugar Daddy Ken's "pool boy."

GROWING UP SKIPPER

From Daisy. Twist Skipper's arm and watch her boobs inflate.

SLUMBER PARTY BARBIE

Comes with a scale that reads 110 lbs and a book titled How To Lose Weight. (From Unplug Your Brain)

WTF?! KEN

From The Courteous Chihuahua, who saw this one at a junk store but refused to pay $10 for whatever the fuck it is.


Movie Trailer Of The Day: The King's Speech

Not the greatest trailer you'll ever see, but if you believe the advance reviews, the movie is very good. Here's what the folks at Very Short List had to say about it:


You'd think that a movie about some mid-20th-century king—Elizabeth II's father, whom very few Americans have even heard of–would be a total snooze. But The King's Speech (out Nov. 26) is utterly fascinating.

Directed by Tom Hooper (The Damned United, HBO's John Adams), it tells a true story (one we'd never heard before) set on the eve of World War II, full of drama and humor and so moving it nearly brought us to tears (and then delivered a genuinely happy ending).

Colin Firth's performance—and pitch-perfect enactment of King George VI's stutter–is a tour de force. Geoffrey Rush, who plays the king's Australian speech therapist, is as lovable and delightful as ever. Helena Bonham Carter's star turn as the Queen Mum makes you see the actress, and the character she's playing, in a completely new light. And the occasionally mannered Guy Pearce is terrific as George's feckless and unlikable pretty boy of an older brother, Edward VIII.




Vid Of The Day: Webcam

She got a new webcam. I think she likes the special effects options.


October Engrish Roundup

Your monthly insensitivity exercise.


It certainly tastes like someone passed it.


Formerly Men Without Hats


Ah, I wondered where it was.


Unless you like having a Subway on the Great Wall, that is.


She likes to save the big ones to show off to friends.


I see we have the same dream.


Pull up your pants. I'd rather not see your manass.


Stay back!




Translated for the dyslexic.


Don't touch that cord. It's for the chair.


Or vice versa.


Bless your heart. Give me your sweet candy and let's fix that.




He does look a little depressed.


You've been taking them, haven't you?


That's one way to do it, yes.


Surely better than cold cock.


It's a miracle, all right.


Sit there long enough and your dream might come true, too.

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