Thursday, August 26, 2010

Scary Swimsuits Of The Day

Summer's almost over. These will help you remember it. 

From Heavy.com.

I think it's on backwards, Mr. Strahan.

Can you hold these for me?

That suit is all wrong for the guy's body type.

Speaking of guys...

She'll be dead soon, but don't be sad. We'll make a belt from her hide and think of her every time we wear it.

Close.

Might as well be naked, except nobody wants to see that any naked-er.

Right. If M is for man.

(Gluttons for punishment can see the rest here)

Multitasker Of The Day


Woman Nabbed For Auto Erotic Crime

AUGUST 25--A Cincinnati woman was simultaneously masturbating with a sex toy and watching a pornographic video while driving last week, according to cops who arrested her on assorted criminal charges.

Colondra Hamilton, 36, was pulled over last Tuesday evening in a traffic stop triggered when cops noticed she was driving a 2008 Pontiac with overly tinted windows.

That’s when officers noticed that Hamilton’s pants were unbuttoned. And she had a vibrator in her lap. When questioned, Hamilton admitted to engaging in auto-erotic manipulation, and revealed that she had also been watching a porno movie playing on the laptop of a friend in the passenger seat, according to an Elmwood Place Police Department report.

Hamilton, pictured in this mug shot, was booked into the Hamilton County jail on a misdemeanor count of driving with “impaired alertness.” Hamilton was also charged with possession of drug paraphernalia since cops found a “broken piece of crack pipe” in her purse.

She was not, however, accused of using the pipe while she was driving and masturbating and watching an X-rated film, the title of which was not released.

21 Celebrities Who Need To Change Their Names (Of The Day)

Everybody's gotta be different now, is that it? Diversity is fine, but give me something I can pronounce. John Wayne. Tony Curtis. Cary Grant. Those were star names. Not this shit.


Nestor Carbonell
The guy who played Richard Alpert on "Lost" has a name that sounds like a sketchy pasta dish. “Our special tonight is Nestor Carbonell -- spinach linguine with caper sauce, topped with long-eared Christmas donkey medallions.”



Sean Bean
Spoken, it’s fine, but it reads as “Seen Bean,” someone Dr. Seuss might’ve written about.

Have you seen Bean?
Whomever do you mean?

I mean Bean, you fiend,
Have you Sean Bean?




Chiwetel Ejiofor
Chi-wah Who-wha? Can someone Chiwe-tell me how to pronounce this fucked-up name? (Whatever you call him, he played Huey Lucas in American Gangster, where he and The News sang, “I Want A New Drug.”)



America Ferrara
Whenever I encounter assonance in celebrity names, I just want to combine them: “Americarrara.”



Sandra Oh
The sound of disappointment.

“Who’s in this movie?”
“That beast from Grey’s Anatomy.”
“Oh. What else is on?”




M. Night Shyamalan
Shyamalan is fine -- it gives us all a reason to call him “Shama-lama-ding-dong.” But he's gotta lose that unnecessary M. John C. Reilly needs his C because there’s another John Reilly in SAG. Somehow I doubt there’s another Night Shyamalan, and if there was, he surely changed his name after
The Happening.



Kellie Pickler
Pickler? I barely know her!



Zeljko Ivanek
Great actor (24, Damages, House, True Blood), crappy name. Under “Alternate Names,” IMdb.com lists “’Z with a caron Zeljko Ivanek’, ‘Z-with-inverted-circumflex-eljko Ivanek’, ‘Željko Ivanek’ and ‘Z’, proving that even they don’t what the hell to do with that name. Why don't you trade in a k or two for some vowels, chief?



Adam Carolla
I drove a Corolla once. It sucked. I suggest Adam Camry or Adam 4Runner, both far superior makes of Toyota.



William Hung
I hope so, 'cause the motherfucker sure can’t sing.



Andy Dick
Actually, this one is perfect.



Rupert Grint and Ioan Gruffudd
Weren’t they the villains in Great Expectations?



Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje
Whenever you say his name, a genie appears.



Miley Cyrus
Myrus.



Jeff Probst
A name that sounds like a cross between two things that frighten me: probe and Pabst.



Skeet Ulrich
Skeet? Were Spunk and Jizz already taken?



Tyra Banks
“Tyra” sounds a lot like “tiring.” Coincidence?



Stockard Channing
Stockyard? No one should have a name that reminds people of pig shit.



Billy Crudup
Shut the crud up, Billy. Yeah, I know, it’s pronounced “KROOD-up.” Like that's any better.



Shia LeBoeuf
Shy in the buff? Why? Coming up a little short?



Wilmer Valderrama
Wilmerrama.

80s Music Video Of The Day: Fire

Shitty movie. Shitty song. Shitty video. St. Elmos Fail.

Love the hair, though, JP.

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