Kid I Want To Beat Senseless Of The Day

You aren't old enough to have "movie pet peeves," you little shitbag. STFU!

"Caption This" Photo Of The Day

Classic Complaint Letter Of The Day: Chrysler

This guy is funny, but then, you'd have to have a sense of humor in the first place to buy a Chrysler, wouldn't you?

SCOTT CLIFTON FURROW

January 21, 2000

DaimlerChrysler
Customer Relations Department
1000 Chrysler Drive
Auburn Hills, Michigan 48326-2766

Dear Chrysler:

I own a new Plymouth Neon. Actually, most of it is new. In five years, I’ve had to replace most of the car because of faulty parts and second-rate engineering and inferior workmanship. Am I exaggerating? I wish I were. The fact is that I’ve had several mechanics and dealers literally laugh at me for buying this Neon. “You should have bought Japanese!” they say. I don’t think that’s funny. Do you think its funny? I don’t think its funny. Mechanics are generally not funny people.

In 1999 alone I spent over $2000 trying to fix stupid problems on this car, not including some expenses that you paid for! This is a typical year. Only one towing this year, which is an improvement over past years. However, I’m happy to report that I still have the original air bags in the dash and steering wheel! Since my car is in the shop much of the time, there’s less of a chance I’ll get into an accident. So, you’ve at least built a safe vehicle. Bravo!

There isn’t much on this car that hasn’t failed yet. It’s quite remarkable. The only thing that works well is the “check engine” light. It’s on most of the time: bright, yellow and warm. It lights up the whole cabin at night, advertising to passengers what a fine machine I drive.

Actually, I’m so accustomed to the “check engine” light, it’s kinda spooky whenever its not on – I must be a little afraid of the dark. Incidentally, the cabin is even darker than usual now since the dome light is fly-by-night, and the lights in the dashboard flicker and don’t work half the time. Oh, the bulbs aren’t out; I’ve checked that. But, if I give the dashboard a good thump, sometimes I can get the lights to come back on. It makes me feel like the Fonz!

(Continues here)

Misheard Lyrics Of The Day (video)

A 90s classic deciphered. Finally. 

Posted by Samsmama.

News Update Of The Day: Toe Man

Remember this story about the guy whose dog saved his life by chewing off his infected toe while he was passed out drunk? Our own Mr. Minimac brings you this exclusive update on that story:

"Tonight I attended a concert by the great Deke Dickerson.  Imagine my delight when he brought a local celebrity to the stage. Yes, it's true. Here's a picture of the healing toe of "Big Jerry," the man whose dog ate his toe. What an evening!"

Says, Mr. Minimac, "Deke even whipped up a song which he kindly performed on stage with Big Jerry on board for the tribute." Jerry got a nice hand from the audience after the song. Too bad they didn't have a toe to give him.