Friday, July 23, 2010

Comedy.com Links Of The Day

Thanks for clicking.



600-Pound Woman Wants To Gain Weight

Diff’rent Strokes Had A Jewish Episode?

Lindsay Lohan's Water Crisis

World Cup Stud Loses Bikini Battle

Super Awkward Stock Photos

A Lindsay Lohan Tribute Song

Answering Machine Message of the Day: OBGYN Office

Okay, be nice, it's my first post. I wish my doctor's office had this attitude. (Click the link for the audio, the picture is just for sh*ts and giggles.) --RichGirlRed

WTF Pregnancy Photos Of The Day

Expectant mothers in various stages of undress (many completely so) have gone overboard with this whole bun-in-the-oven portraiture thing. My guess is that the idea is to capture the beauty and glow that they talk about when a woman is pregnant... I personally wouldn't know. When I was pregnant, all I got were hemorrhoids and swollen feet. So I find this all very odd, sometimes disturbing, yet highly entertaining. Some of my favorites below; all pics from Awkward Family Photos. (Posted by Amy)

Marge Gunderson's younger sister, Ruth.

What say we let the baby enjoy some of this crisp Fall air?

I'm guessing she really wanted to do the globe but
soon discovered there weren't enough colors.

Nothing says Christmas like ashy elbows, eyeshadow,
and daddy feelin' up momma.

Photobombers don't get maternity leave.

Dammit, Earl! I told you I have no idea why the baby
smells like strawberry shortcake! Now get off me.

More bars in more places.

Yo-Yo Ma is trying to hear if Junior is practicing
the cello in there.

This guy knows that his artwork is going to lose
its place on the fridge real soon.

I know they are supposed to be kissing, but doesn't it
look like they are (gulp) feeding?

Jolene's on her way to the church pincic. Don't mess with her.

Right after this photo was taken, Clint told Renita that she better
get her ass in gear, he wanted his turkey pot pie ready in time to eat
before Friday Night Smackdown.

I think these last two should win the wtf?! blue ribbon:

I have no idea what the hell this picture means,
but they both look really happy about it.

Why, Anthony Edwards Guy, are you naked?

A late addition from Lefty:


And I'll add this one, even though most of you have probably seen it.



Classic 80s Music Video Of The Day: Photograph

You're gonna want that cowbell.


Spoof Ad of the Day: Wrangler

Since we're all such big fans of jean shorts ("jorts"), I thought this ad was fitting. Tight-fitting, that is.

From Funny Or Die.


- Bev


Asshole E-Mail Of The Day: Invoice

From E-Mails From An Asshole.

Original ad:

ATTENTION: anyone who owns an auto repair shop. i need a fake invoice printed up for a bunch of car work so i can explain to my wife where our $1200 went. if you can print out an invoice with a bunch of repair stuff that would cost around that, please contact me ASAP.


From Me
:

Hey, are you still looking to get a fake invoice? I run a repair shop off of 95 in Essington and could easily print something out for you.

Mike

From Dave:

yea dude that would be great. it needs to be for like $1200 but your a mechanic im sure you can think of something that costs that much. essington is kinda out of my way so i just need a good reason for my wife that explains why i was down there, ya hear?

From Me:

Alright, I can print one out in a few minutes and scan it for you. As for your wife, just tell her you were on your way to Chester to buy drugs and your car broke down, so you just had it towed to the nearest shop. Be sure to mention how great our service was.

Mike

From Dave:

yeah great idea genius that would go over real well. im better off coming clean about my bad luck in atlantic city, but that aint happenin neither

From Me:

I don't see why it wouldn't go over well. Lots of people go out of their way to Chester for drugs. I get my coke from Chester all of the time. It is cheap, and good, too.

Anyway, I've attached the invoice I wrote up for you. I forgot to ask the Make/Model/Year of your car, so I just took a guess. If I am wrong, let me know and I can change it.

Mike



From Dave:

if you guessed 98 corolla then id be impressed otherwise could you put that in, and date it for today? thanks a lot for your help dude

From Dave:

wait a minute what the fuck is this shit

From Dave:

$200 to unjam a tape deck are you for real man? that isnt even a real problem
what the fuck is a "transgasket differential" are you serious dude, this shit isnt going to fly. 50 bucks to set the dashboard clock wtf man

like seriously man are you fucking retarded? wtf is this bullshit

From Me:

Yes, I typically charge around $200 to unjam a tape deck. Have you ever tried to do it? It is a pain in the ass. Some people panic and try to rewind their tapes and that just makes it even worse.

I charge $50 to set the dashboard clock, but it is well worth every penny. It is the most accurate time reading you will ever have. I sync it down to the millisecond with the official NIST time, and I have it verified by a certified time expert.

You've got me there on the transgasket differential. I just make that up and charge $400 for it and people usually pay it without much argument. Especially women, which brings me to my next point.

Women tend to know nothing about cars, so your wife will probably just look at the document and get confused by all that fancy car lingo. All women need to see is the money amount, which I have made very clear at the bottom of the invoice.

Mike

From Dave:

cmon man quit dicking me around and put some real shit on there. i dont know what kind of bullshit shop you are running over there, but neither me or my wife would believe this thing

and fix the car info. out of all the guesses you could have made you guessed that i drive a fucking delorean? for real dude?

From Me:

Sorry, you just struck me as the kind of guy who would have a DeLorean.

If you really think your wife isn't going to fall for that, I'll give you a more realistic looking document. Here is a realistic bank statement you can use to show your wife where your money went.

Mike



From Dave:

wow thats great buddy thanks for nothing you fucking retard
hey why dont you go fuck yourself in the ass with your transgasket differential. douchebag


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