Thursday, June 17, 2010

Unappealing Porno Titles Of The Day (NSFW)

Feeling horny? I can fix that. Wait.. that came out wrong. From Cracked.com, sort of. I made some changes to their list.

Not safe for all workplaces, so proceed at your own risk. I lose a couple of readers every time I post this, but c'est la vie. It was just a matter of time before they were disgusted, anyway.

When I ran this last year, I was headed out of town on vacation. I checked my e-mail on the road and had a long note from a regular reader explaining to me that while she loved the site and appreciated my twisted humor, this post was just too much for her. She prattled on at great length why she didn't like the post, how and why it was offensive to readers, the problems with porn, what she liked and didn't like about LOTD, the historical and religious significance of conflicts in the Middle East, Occam's Razor,
the myth of fingerprints, the pompatus of love, the trouble with Tribbles, why John Barleycorn must die, and why she would not be visiting LOTD anymore after this.

After reading her long note, I could only think of one reply: "Bye."

There's A Black Man In My Wife's Ass

She just ate a full rack of ribs, so he might want to get the F out of there

Strap-On Midget

Bigger than a dildo and twice as unwieldy.

Razor Burn

Don't forget your beard, big fella. Boobs or not -- that's a dude.

Edward Penishands

Giving someone the finger takes on a whole new meaning

European ATM

Ass to mouth? That means "you're a peein'" down my chin. No thanks.

Asphyxiation Foot Fuckers

Hmm, that's a tough choice, but I'll go with the asphyxiation. I'm kinda funny about my feet.

Girth, Wind & Fire #2

Girth I get, but I don't wanna know about the wind and fire.

My Granny Is A Tranny: Cocks In Frocks 15

15?! There's 15 of these?

Blow It Out Your Ass

You better warn that black guy in there

Itsy Bitsy Bang Bang #3

Starring Dyke Van Dick

Braces

Ouch

Damn...She Thick! 3

Damn...she gonna knock you upside the head if she hears you say that

Dirt Pipe Milkshakes

No thanks, I'm ass-tose intolerant.

Don't Tell Mommy!

Don't tell Mommy? No, don't say "mommy" -- ever -- when you're talking about porn.

30 Days In The Hole

Please tell me we get to pick which hole.

Anal Chiropractor

"Wait, no, don't kneel, you're messing up the paper. And take off your shoes. Not on the floor! Germs! Put them in the cubby. Socks, too. One in each shoe."

Big Tit Smotherfuckers

Again with the death. Can't a guy get laid without dying?

Squirm-Inducing Audition Video Of The Day

Yikers. You poor, sad, coked-up clown. If dignity were a country, you'd be Liechtenstein (Liechten-klein?). No wonder you drink and drive.

Nice jacket, though.



Quotable Movie of the Day: Caddyshack

I can't believe this movie is thirty years old. I can still work a good 'Shack quote into pretty much any given conversation; I grew up with this movie! Here's a video clip that condenses some of the movie's best lines into five wonderful minutes.

From The Huffington Post (and me, Bev).



"So what? So let's dance!"

What's your favorite line?

Obnoxious Tweets Of The Day

Die. All of you. Or tell me you're joking.

All from Tweeting Too Hard. Link from Becky Mochaface.































Let's play a little game just for fun. What would be poetic justice for any of these people? I'd laugh if, while examining someone's bookcase when they were "in the bathroom," David Rankin failed to notice them sneaking up behind him with an ax, about to lop off his superior head.

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