Friday, June 4, 2010

Commercial Of The Day: Light Beer

From TheMovieGuru.

13 Things Your Bartender Won't Tell You

Really? Someone forgot to tell him not to sound like a whiny twat who needs a good ass-kicking.

From Reader's Digest, which will always remind me of my dad taking a dump. Fitting for this list.

1. Yell, whistle, or wave money and I'm going to make you wait. Make eye contact and smile, and I'll come over as soon as I can. Know what you want and have your money ready. Don't create a traffic jam.

2. Start a tab. If I swipe your card five times this evening, that’s five times as much paperwork I have to do at 4 a.m.

3. You want a drink made "strong?" Then order a double—for double the price.

4. Liquor sales in bars and restaurants were down 2.2 percent last year. Even beer sales are slow. But people scrimp on food first, drinks second.

5. A lot of bars have comp tabs, which allows me to give away drinks. It's smart business and helps build a base of regulars.

6. Bars that don't have regulars (in hotels, airports) have started using wireless gadgets that measure how much is poured and automatically ring up each shot. They're meant to prevent overpouring and to cut losses, but I don't like them—neither do customers.

7. If your tipping guideline is still "a buck a drink," listen closely: That doesn't fly if you order a $12 cocktail. Tip at least 15 percent.

8. At some bars, the sliced fruit garnishes sit out until they’re gone, sometimes for days. Munch accordingly.

9. The smoothest guys compliment a woman, then walk away—it's very nonthreatening.

10. I have the police on speed dial, and I never hesitate to call.

11. Don't order a round of drinks after last call. Last call applies to everyone—even you.

12. Some of us get a cut from the cab company when we call a taxi for a tipsy patron. Not that I've ever done that, of course.

13. Last week, a couple had a little too much and got into a dumb argument, then asked me to choose the "winner" of the fight. There isn't a tip big enough to get me involved in that situation!

QOTD: Holy Shit

When was the last time something made you say, "Holy shit!"?

For me it was last night when I realized my mother-in-law was watching some crazy televangelist
on my TV predicting the end of the world. Before that it was looking at photos of the oil spill in the Gulf. Maybe the guy was right.

News Video Of The Day: IHOP Bill

From The Onion.

May Mugshot Roundup

Busted. In more ways than one.

I hate it when Billy Idol cries

"Yo, can I call you back in, like, five to ten years?"

Professional "Before" model for Accutane

Happyness is not being an inbred moron

Is this one of those forensic sculpture heads they make to try to identify skulls that hikers find in the woods?

Looks like some bitch disagreed

Nosferatu Goes To Jail

Photobombers -- there's no escaping them

"Yeah, okay, I might be a little drunk."

"SIDDDOWN, motherf*cker!"

Your ad here

For H.R. Giger

Cops love it when they resist arrest

Hey Peaches, where's Herb?

Were all the Village People arrested or just you?

Oops, too late, sorry. Couldn't read that.

This guy was busted for "inducing panic." What'd he do, escape from the nursing home naked?


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