I wouldn't put it past Google for a second. In fact, way to go, Onion, you just gave them the ideas, ya dumfuks.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Sounds like my grandma, except mine actually hit stuff: other cars, mailboxes, dogs, the homeless, etc. From The Smoking Gun.
Beauty Parlor Grandma Popped Doing 102
MAY 19--Late for a hair appointment, a 72-year-old South Carolina woman yesterday careened across a highway at speeds in excess of 100 mph, nearly hitting another vehicle, before being collared for reckless driving.
When a cop caught up to Sandra Powell's vehicle at an intersection, she "was upset because she was late for a hair appointment," according to a City of Union Police Department report.
When Sgt. Richard Powers asked if she knew how fast she was going (in a 45 mph zone), Powell "stated yes, that she was going 100MPH."
Powell, pictured in the mug shot below, was booked yesterday morning into the county jail on a misdemeanor rap. A personal property receipt shows that she was carrying a green purse and $20 when busted.
The name of the beauty parlor to which she was rushing is unknown.
best of craigslist > SF bay area >
Top Ten Most Overused Phrases In Personal Ads
Date: 2010-02-21, 3:04PM PST
10) "I live life to the fullest!"
(Is this really the most profound philosophical statement you can come up with? Dig a little deeper, Nietzsche.)
9) "Loves to laugh" or "Fun-loving"
(Alright! A person who enjoys laughter and fun. What a rare individual; I must meet her at once. Just once I'd like to see "loves to sob uncontrollably for days on end.")
8) "I'm ____ years old but I look MUCH younger!"
(Sure you do. And if I just did a couple more sit-ups, I could still make the Giants starting lineup. Is self-delusion great or what?)
7) "I'm a down to earth..."
(If I see this phrase one more time, I'll... I'll... I don't know WHAT I'll do! I might be forced to actually turn off my computer and go interact with people in the REAL world. Okay, I probably wouldn't do anything THAT drastic. But you get the idea.)
6) "I can go from jeans to a cocktail dress in 10 minutes!"
(You must be very proud. I can't believe they haven't made this an Olympic event yet.)
5) "I'm a intelegent..."
(If you can't SPELL intelligent... do you see where I'm going with this? Class? Anyone?)
4) "I'm a typical (insert astrological sign here)."
(Astrology? Yeah, it's a science. I think they use it at NASA. I don't even know where to begin here. If you're looking for some insight into the nature of my character, don't ask me what my sign is. Talk to the Easter Bunny, he has the real inside track on me.)
3) "I don't have a pic, but trust me, you won't be disappointed!"
(Trust me, I will.)
2) "Looking for THE ONE" or "Looking for my Soulmate"
(Really? These are the most fresh and original lines you can come up with? Your mother and I had such high hopes for you. Oh well, there's always trade school.)
And the Number One Most Overused Phrase In A Personal Ad is...
1) "Don't worry, I plan to loose [sic] the weight real soon."
(Ok, it's probably just me, but why am I still worried?)
Put them all together, and the end result usually looks something like this....
"Fun-loving, down-to-earth woman with 5 kids from 5 different fathers seeks a intelegint guy who loves to laugh. Must be in shape! I'm temporarily 50 pounds overweight, but don't worry, I plan to loose the weight right after I finish these fries! Must look like Brad Pitt and be no older than 35! I'm 49 but I look MUCH younger! I don't have a pic, but trust me, you won't be disappointed! I'm a Libra so I live life to the fullest! I get along best with Geminis who have six-figure incomes! Must have a big heart and a bigger house, cuz the landlord just kicked us out!"
(Well, as long you have realistic expectations.)
I'm draggin' ass this morning and need a little something to get me going. This might be my least favorite VH song ever (pre-Hagar the Horrible), but the vid is too awesomely bad not to post.
Huh, I've seen this vid 1000 times but somehow never noticed until just now that Alex is using some rototoms.